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Tuesday, November 18, 2014

11 Signs of Perfectionism

The biggest misconception in a post abusive or traumatic world is that “all good and powerful things come from perfection.” Perfection is not and will never be the answer or truth to being safe or protected. 

The truth about perfection is that perfection is the killer of mindfulness, happiness, healing, and growth. Striving to be perfect or have a perfect life is like trying to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. For millions of survivors of abuse and trauma, that being perfect would have been the salvation all those situations would have never occurred.

Survivors are convinced … beyond a shadow of the doubt … that if they were perfect and had done everything in their life perfectly, then they would never have been abused, beaten, raped, rejected, sexually invaded, or mentally and emotionally tortured.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The issue of perfectionism is huge with a lot of survivors I have observed over decades of working with survivors with Dissociative Disorders and Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. When survivors are initially asked the question … Are you a perfectionist? … 98% of the survivors answered that it was their number one objective.  Perfection to these people equals safety. “If I was perfect, then nothing bad would happen.”

Survivors feel that performing right, correctly or perfectly is the answer to being stronger and keeping safe.

By definition, perfection is completely free from faults or defects. Inherently, survivors strain compulsively and unceasingly toward being perfect and measure their self-worth, self-value, looks and productivity by the same incredible standard. Unfortunately, perfection is an unobtainable goal. Over time, the need for perfection drives their reactions to every aspect of life. Survivors put a large amount of pressure on themselves. They over expect how they should perform in all aspects of life. In the end, this predictably sets him or her up for overwhelming disappointment. Due to the inability to achieve perfection, survivors tend to have an extremely critical and judgmental “inner critic.” When failure is realized, then anger, doubt, impatience, and worry sets in harshly.

In order to begin a successful post-trauma healing journey, survivors need to recognize that being perfect and having a perfect life is an unrealistic goal. 

11 Signs of Perfectionism due to Traumatic Experiences

Below are eleven (11) signs that you are possibly a perfectionist due to abusive or traumatic situations. Once recognition is achieved, then the warning signs will lose power and influence.

Do you recognize any of these eleven (11) signs in yourself?

  1.  Always anxious but don’t know why

  2.  Constantly in a state doubtfulness

  3.  Continuously impatient

  4.  Fearful of the results of anything because you might be wrong

  5.  Forever procrastinating

  6.  Frequently stressed over nothing

  7.  Over expecting to the point of disappointment

  8.  Romancing memories of past pain

  9.  Under assessing all accomplishments, abilities, skills, value

 10. Worrying about how you will perform in the future

 11.  Focused on nothing anyone else does is good enough

Don't be a slave to diluted thoughts that if you had only been "perfect" nothing of what happened to you would have and that being perfect is the answer to being safe and protected. 

Take Away

Safety and protection of self comes from within you. What keeps you safe and protected is your inner power. Your inner power is your inner knowledge manifested outwardly by way of your confidence, creativeness, intelligence, mindfulness, power, resilience, resourcefulness and strength of character. Simply, safety and protection are achieved through the ability to love yourself fully and healing will naturally occur. 

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          Coach Bill                                   

Monday, November 3, 2014

Words are an Indicator of Who You Are: 4 Positive Tips

Were you even aware of the words you speak have the power to shape your identity? Did you know that your words weave an image of how you view yourself as well as how others view you?

You are the Words You Speak

It is a fact that you are what you speak. Your words have extreme power in the formation of your identity. Words determine how you view ourselves, how you compare yourself to others and the world and how you react or do not react to any given situation.

If you speak positive words you will be perceived as positive. On the other hand, when the majority of your words are negative you will be seen as negative. It is your choice.

Personal Mindfulness

You need to be very mindful of the content of your words you speak for yourself. I have learned that “the words that come out of my mouth go directly into my ears and goes in completely unfiltered”. Your brain registers the words, and it says “if that is how you want to be viewed then it will be so”. Your brain will follow through making your words true and cloud the real truth. Understand that the human brain is a non-judgmental and non-emotional organ, and believes what you say about yourself, is your truth. So speaking words like stupid, ugly, no good, not good enough or worthless often, even though not the truth will become part of your “true” identity.

You need to take stock and ownership of the words you utter because it is those words that will come back to haunt you in the future. Even if you say you were just kidding or if you were attempting not to be conceited the words will come back to you. The words that you use to describe yourself could deform and dilute your identity for years to come. 

What you might not acknowledge that your brain does not feel at all. Your brain just makes what is input into it as real.

4 Tips

Here are some tips to help you out.

1. Monitor and be aware of what comes out of your mouth.

2. Take 2 intuitive breathes before you speak for yourself.

3. Speak only positive self-affirming words about yourself. 

4. Build a foundation for a database of positive words you use              about yourself. 

If you follow the tips they will help you be more mindful, intuitive, and help you create a new authentic identity through your words. Doing the latter will assist you to project a positive view yourself to others as well as empower yourself.
         Coach Bill