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Sunday, September 14, 2014

Note to My Unrelenting Mind

Is your mind you helper, best friend or is it your tormenter, enemy? Due to my traumatic childhood situations I experienced, I formed some really negative and self-defeating core beliefs. I grew to understand that my mind was not on my side. I also realized that my mind has a greater influence on my actions, behavior, feeling, and thoughts than I ever knew. It also determines what I get and don't out of life. In fact, it was my subconscious mind that was pulling 90% of the strings of my life due to my PTSD symptoms.

I decided that my mind and I had needed to have a conversation to make a change in my in my thinking, myself and my life. So made a commitment to write a note to my mind. I found writing to be extreme help in changing how I viewed myself, thoughts and my life. 

I thought sharing my note to my mind would be very beneficial and possibly healing to others who had gone through what I did growing up and fell into not liking themselves.

Note to My Mind

I know you have not heard from me in very long time. I did my very best to ignore you because of what you were hiding from me. I know you were attempting to protect me from the pain I dissociated from during those awful events. I refused for many years to recognize what had happened to me in the past. To accomplish that, I could not give you any credence due to the fear of the feelings I was harboring, and the pain I was hiding might resurface which I could not feel at the time. Feeling helpless, I attempted to drown you with alcohol or subdue you with drugs and push you down with food. Nothing I did ever worked. I know that what you were concealing only gets more intense and it is sabotaging my life.

Time has passed, I have grown, and I have changed. I know now the barriers have to fall between you and me. I am willing and ready to stop this feud. I no longer want to make you hold on to those haunting memories of situations that wounded me.  Surprisingly when all my memories began to surface, they caused me to build bigger and higher walls of anger and resentment towards you. If the truth is told, I also know that your intention was not to hurt me but help me achieve closure and begin to help me heal my wounds. For a long time, I could not accept that so my reaction was to ignore you to escape my emotions back then and now.

You have earned my respect by your strength and loyalty to me. I now release us both to be free and supportive of each other. I know now that what you have attempted to show me happened but it is not happening now. Let's move forward to benefit both of us. 

I have become acutely aware that you were my tormentor and enemy. I no longer want to work against each other. Let’s create a new mindset and work together for a bright future.

Thank you mind.

         Coach Bill