Follow by Email

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

1 Tip on Emotional Control vs Command

Control is a big issue with many. We are all told at one point or another "just get control of yourself, your emotions, or the situation." Well, it is not as easy as some people make that sound. In fact, it is impossible to control anything. Think about it, if you have control and control is possible then stop your breathing until you finish reading this blog. Well, you can't. It is not possible. The possibility of control is an illusion.

So controlling your body, your emotions, life situations or another person is an illusion. It is an impossible expectation that leads to complete and sometimes devastating disappointment. Control is actually being unbalanced in yourself and your life because it is not attainable.

3 Levels of Control

Follow this line of thinking. If you live in the expectation of control is possible this is what happens. 

A situation arises, and you say to yourself "I must control this" (body function, emotion or event) you enter into level one of control. You will bear down and focus control. After a while, you understand that you can't control what you want to control, you might think you are not doing good enough. That will cause you to move into level two which is over control. So you work harder with an increased effort of focus. Time passes by, and you discover that you still do not have control and not only do you feel you are not good enough, you then slip into I did something wrong or extreme disappointment. 
At that point, you are driven to the third level of control which is out of control. In this third level, you might say or do something inappropriate.  

1 Tip toward Change

The fantastic one tip to help you to change is to change your mindset. Attain an attitude that controlling anything is not possible. No one can control, but command is possible in every situation. 

To get to the point of command, you have to change your expectation from seeking control to earning command. 

Is it possible to command yourself? Yes, it is possible.  To command a situation and it is possible to command another person. Command is achieved by earning respect by leading with self-confidence. Commanding is the act of gaining respect from yourself, a situation and from other people. Working hard and earning respect is how you get command over your life. Start shifting to this new mindset today which will give you a new perspective on life. 

To learn more go to another of my blogs on the subject I titled Control and Command: Shift to a New Mindset

If you have not seen it, then please read it, make a comment and most importantly please subscribe to it. I am sure you will benefit from being on both.  

         Coach Bill

Make a comment and share your ideas about this blog article.

Don’t forget to keep up on all my blogs and self-improvement tips. for Life Coaching and for Post Trauma Issues.

Find out about new skills that can help you make a positive change to yourself or your life like the 30 Day Challenge at

Friday, July 19, 2013

Addiction Recovery Southwest Florida: Addiction Community Needs to Think Out of the Box

As a result of Cory Monteith death of drug overdose just last week, I feel that the addiction treatment community need to begin to think out of the box to save lives. The old traditional methods are great and have saved so many lives. But there are still over a 100 people dying from drug overdoses everyday in the US only.

What does a recovering addict do after leaving the safety of a treatment center when they are alone?

They THINK!!!!!

The worst time for an addict in recovery from my experiences of coaching individual’s seeking to remain sober after initial treatment is when they are with themselves. It is the times when they are alone with their own thoughts. I am convinced had anyone had clear view of Cory's core beliefs (def: formed messages that he had about himself due to his life experiences) there would have been a clue of what was about to happen.

What Kind of Thoughts?

Unfortunately a recovering addict generally in time returns to old negative thinking that got him or her to use in the first place. “I don’t fit in if I don’t use”, “No one likes me if I am not high, including me”, “I am no good without using”, “I don’t deserve to be sober because what I have done”, “I need it or I will be nothing all over again”, “I was so much better when I was using”. When these thoughts get stuck in a person's head and he or she can't stop focusing on them is turns into an addiction to those thoughts known as a Thought Addiction. Every addiction starts with a thought and after becoming sober, if not shift, the original thought is still there.

This type of negative thinking, looping or distorted self beliefs can throw a successful recovery into a relapse and lead to a mindless overdose. His or her now clean body is more sensitive, reduced threshold and is not use to the level the person had been taking. But his or her mind says “Go ahead”. The body’s organs then get overwhelmed and shut down for good.

A New Box is Available.

As addiction professional, we need to start thinking about of the box. Addiction recovery needs to be more than just in house programs and then leaving the post care to only to NA and once in a while sponsors. There needs to be recognition and support of the growing network of addiction recovery coaches and sober coaches. These coaches can teach new skills, development of new healthy patterns and daily support.

Let us all get join together as a cohesive professional addiction community rather than separated and isolated. Dedicate this new total addiction community toward saving lives and helping people become healthier individuals together.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Cory Monteith: Miss Something?

The world has lost another young talented, creative and admired entertainer to drugs. Cory joins the ranks of other celebrity entertainers who accidentally lost their lives to drugs use such as singer Janis Joplin, guitar player Jimmy Hendrix, Blues Brother John Belushi, Rocker Jim Morrison, Actress Judy Garland and of course the King Elvis Presley.  All of their lives were cut short by overdoses to drugs. Not only celebrities but over 100 people die of drug overdose in America every day.

What was missed?
Even though entertainers look self assured, confident and strong on stage, in private there is a very different story being played out in their head. Thoughts of insecurity, fear, self loathing, self escape and judgment of weakness and inadequacy fill their minds and consume their thoughts … even though praise is coming toward them constantly. Like thoughts of:
Did I perform well enough?
I don’t deserve this much praise.
I don’t deserve this much money.
I am not that talented.
Will they stop loving me?
If my fans only knew the real me, they would leave me.

Entertainers in the constant spotlight turn to drugs to gain a false sense of confidence, numb emotional pain, eliminate fear, and reduce thoughts of rejection. The drug is used to turn off the critical thoughts and associated emotions. The insecure performer actually believes:

This drug will help me perform better.
I am more confident and entertaining with this drug.
This drug helps me focus.

Looping self-limiting thoughts are invisible to an adoring crowd and unseen behind a charismatic smile. Could something have been missed that might have reduced the chance of a tragic ending to this actor’s life?

Cory, like many others, went through addiction treatment and rehab. Not once, but many times. Is it that treatment centers are not effective enough? No, they are very professional and effective. Then what? One thing that addiction treatment does not address is an addict’s thought addiction. Thought addiction is not on the addiction professional’s radar right now. Thought addiction is a hidden addiction that affects many American’s mental, emotional, and physical health. Why? Think about it … Every addiction starts with a thought! That is a fact. A person will turn to drugs because of overwhelming self limiting looping thoughts.

What is Thought Addiction (TA)?
The definition of thought addiction is the development of an intrusive habitual pattern to one thought or set of thoughts. Thought addiction is the returning to a thought that does not serve the individual and has negative and damaging results to one’s life. A thought addiction depletes every system of the human body. TA is repetitive and unhealthy thoughts that deplete emotional, mental, physical and spiritual energy, leaving the person empty and second guessing themselves endlessly. Thought addiction follows the same rules and progression of all other addictions. Individuals will expand into other addictions like substances, food, exercise, emotion or behavior in an attempt to silence a thought addiction or unhealthy thought looping pattern.

Forms of addicting thoughts are:
  • Anxious
  • Compulsive
  • Depressive
  • Fearful
  • Obsessive
  • Negative
  • Ruminating
  • Self demeaning
  • Self defeating
  • Self limiting
  • Sexual
  • Suicidal
  • Unwanted
  • Worrisome
Another critical time is post treatment. If the original thought that initiated the addiction is not dealt with, once the person becomes sober, the original thought surfaces again and will be a major driver and red flag of relapse. For an addict whose thought addiction is not addressed and treated effectively, relapse is inevitable.

What to do differently?
The addiction treatment and recovery community needs to pull back the curtain and look at the real culprit … the thought that started it all. These professionals need to expand their old treatment and recovery thinking and allow a new method in.  The most dangerous time is not in treatment or rehab, but it is when the newly recovering person comes out and is left alone with his or her own thoughts again. The 12 step principles say an addict in sobriety needs to change old friends, places and life style to eliminate triggers that encouraged them to use, but the silent driver has always been – the thought.

Take Thought Addiction Assessment:
Follow Dr Bill on Twitter:
Follow Dr Bill on Facebook: