Follow by Email

Friday, July 18, 2014

Accountability is Important for Healing Trauma & Addiction

There are many differences between two principal groups: 

1) trauma coaching and addiction recovery; and

2) trauma therapy and addiction treatment. 

The major differences between the former and latter groups are the issue of accountability

In post-trauma coaching and addiction recovery, the client is believed to have the answers to his or her problems in recovering and not in the knowledge of the practitioner. An excellent post trauma and addiction recovery coach effectiveness is based on the questions asked by the post-trauma coach which helps the client focus and come up with his or her answer that is right for them.

Achieve Accountability

To see if you are accountable able or not is through learning and being compassionate toward yourself. 

One way to achieve accountability is through customized writing assignments. The client is responsible for completing his or her assignments. The client is responsible for following through with writing on the assignments before next appointment. The assignments help reduce the “re-experiencing” in that it allows the client to write without feeling the past event, unlike verbally re-telling the event which occasionally causes the client to connect with the emotions that have been buried.   

As a Post Trauma and Addiction Recovery Coach, I work very hard to fit and customize specific questions for my clients. If my questions are not correct and on point, then the client will not come up with his or her right answers, and the forward process will stall.
To be on the same page as my clients, I sometimes have to give him or her an assignment to define a word which is critical to healing. Defining words is important because everyone’s definitions vary in form and meaning. So, I feel I need to work off of my client’s interpretation and not my definition of the word.

Assignment Example 

In the process of writing, clients come up with some of their most potent answers, great definitions, and acute accurate perceptions. Here is an example of a definition assignment that produced great definition done in a significant word. I think this word affects all survivors in his or her daily lives as well as their recovery from either trauma or addictions or both. That word is accountability.

Question -

Think about this question. 
Are you as a survivor more accountable to your life or to the promises you were forced to make by the perpetrator or addicting substance?


The exact assignment question was:

“What does it mean to be accountable?”

I found this definition to be incredibly enlightening. It was written by a client who experienced childhood and adulthood abuse and has a diagnosis of complex PTSD. She also formed severe addictions to numb out the intense feelings of suffering and overwhelming emotions of hurt and shame from her PTSD symptoms. I hope that this description of the word "accountability" will empower you to affix accountability to yourself rather than following the lies of your perpetrator.

The client answered the question entirely in her own words, not from a dictionary.

“Accountability to me is living up to a standard moral code that’s ingrained in my subconscious mind from nature not nurture. It is the acknowledgment and assumption of responsibility for my actions and reactions. Accountability is a system of integrity which suppresses spontaneous reactions. It means that I am liable for my own destiny and culpable for the wrong decisions. Accountability and responsibility are guidelines for progress as I evolve spiritually, morally and mentally. It is doing what is right no matter how unfamiliar or hard it is to do.”

The client made a disconnection from the lies of her perpetrator. Due to her achievement of separating from her abuser, she began to live in the moment more and achieve a higher level of being happy. A positive change happened when she changed her definitions of the words that her perpetrator forced her to believe in. She also created new beliefs about herself from her new definitions.

Acquiring a new mindset through re-defining old words and embedding new personal beliefs can make post trauma and addiction recovery less mentally painful.

Accountability Moving Forward

Accountability is an essential element. When accountability is not operational in the person recovering there is an excellent chance of self-sabotaging behaviors causes relapses. Healing then progresses when accountability is again affixed as an investment into healing, and there seems to be a more rapid forward movement from that point on. 


So to heal from either trauma or addictions, you need to commit to true self-accountability. 
If you do then accountability will enhance your chances of healing the emotional wounds, become honest with yourself and you will be able to cast away false blame.


To make a positive change, an individual needs to embrace the issue of accountability for your actions, directions, emotions, thoughts, and reactions. A side effect of affixing accountability to yourself is that when you're in recovery focusing and thinking of accountability will cause you to spend more time in the moment. Therefore spending less time in false shame of what happened and regret of the past or predicting and projecting into the future. 

Post-trauma and addiction recovery can be healed if you can stay focused on your life and health in the moment. To accomplish this first, you need to acquire new skills for living without crisis and chaos or looking backward. Second, depending on the severity of the trauma, abuse or addiction you need to seek support to help through the treatment journey. 

Be accountable to yourself and grow day by day.
  Coach Bill
Visit my website  and download free eBook

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Can You Sit with Your Own Thoughts?

Would you select electrocution at you own hands or sit alone with your own thoughts?

That was the fundamental human question behind a research study I recently read a research study that was done at the University of Virginia. The researchers wanted to find out if a participant if asked, would the participant rather sit quietly with his or her own thoughts or select to electrocute themselves?

That was the fundamental human question behind a research study I recently read that was done at the University of Virginia. The researchers wanted to find out if a participant if asked, would the participant rather sit quietly with his or her own thoughts or select to electrocute themselves.

The one thing abuse or trauma situations rob a person off is the ability to accept and be with is their own thoughts or in a room in solitude without distraction. As all survivors know especially survivors with DID, being alone with their own thoughts can be very chaotic, hurtful mean, painful uncomfortable and/or devastating. 


A recent study finds that “we'd rather electrocute ourselves than be alone with our own thoughts.”

Personal Experiences

OMG, I have been writing for years about changing your life through journaling, mediation (Me Time) or just deep breathing for 5 to 10 minutes with yourself, without being externally distracted or stimulated. I mean spending time, without a book, computer, phone, television, tablet or radio, with yourself. Nothing to stare at or defocus you for a time of 5 to 10 minutes and left alone with you.

I cannot tell you how many of my clients cannot or had difficulty completing this simple task. Even though spending just 5 or 10 minutes a day with themselves has been proven to improve their life and health (mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually) as well as release stresses they were holding onto, they can’t seem to complete even a few minutes. The excuses I hear from my clients are “Oh I forgot,” “I am too busy, but I meant to,” “I tried, but just I couldn't focus,” I couldn't find any time,” or “I get too anxious.”

With those clients that have a history of being bullied, harassed, abused or traumatized when asked if they did their 5 minutes I am told “I didn't like the thoughts that went through my head”, “I could not stop my thoughts long enough to focus just on my breathing as you asked me to do. It felt wrong”, “While I was doing it a negative thought jump into my head and I could not get rid of it once I stopped meditating” and “Truthfully I can’t stand to be with me. I do not think I deserve it”.

The overall underlying messages I get from my clients are basically that being with their own thoughts or being in their own skin is uncomfortable. Above all, alone or quiet time should be avoided at all cost. When alone most of them have either a TV running somewhere in the house or music playing to fill their head with distraction.

The fundamental human question is, have we lost the ability to be alone with our own thoughts?

Visit my website and click here to download free eBook.

                                     View Original Article

           Coach Bill

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Contest to Win a FREE 30 Day Challenge!

Do you want more out of your life but feel you are you stuck?     
Can’t seem to reach your goals?   
Tired of going nowhere?
Making a Positive Change 30 Day Challenge is giving you a chance to win a FREE 30 Day Challenge to make the positive changes in your life that you have always wanted. Find out once and for all what is blocking you from getting to the finish line!
There are several ways to win, you can either write a few sentences explaining why you want to make a positive change in your life, you can upload a photo of something positive in your life or upload a two-minute video explaining why you want Challenge yourself and change your life today.
Here’s how it works:
1) Submit your essay, photo or a two-minute video by posting it to Ask your friends to Like US and like your post on our page. If your post gets the most votes, you will win the Making a Positive Change 30 Day Challenge. ($89.00 value)
2) Upload your photo or video on .
3) Like the Making A Positive Change Facebook page.
4) Share your video/ photo through Facebook and invite your friends to vote.

The video with the most votes will win grand prize and will receive a FREE 30 Day Challenge. ($89.00 value)
Take ownership of your life and start your positive change today by entering the contest today and get all your friends and family to vote for you.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Podcast Update on Quieting the Noise in your Mind

On June 20th of this year I announced the start of my Podcast -  Quieting the Noise in Your Mind

Today I would like to announce that I have not forgotten all my friends who have Apple Products. My podcast Quieting the Noise in your Mind is now in iTunes.

Download the episodes to your iPod, iPad and other Apple devices. Take me along with you and listen anywhere.

Sign into iTunes and type in Dr Bill Tollefson or the title - Quieting the Noise in your Mind and then download the episodes to listen to them.

Go ahead and educate your mind.

There are 8 episodes right now and more to come. All episodes are free.
Stay in touch and look for more.