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Friday, January 14, 2011

Becoming Invisible is NOT the Answer to Safety After Abuse

In my many years of helping others I have heard the statement “I just want to disappear” over and over again. Many people who are depressed and anxious express such a statement when he or she feel that their thoughts or emotions are out of control. This is very common for individuals with PTSD also. Many survivors think that “disappearing” is the only way to become and stay safe. 

Just disappearing is not the answer. Many who experience crisis or failed relationships in his or her life want to hide to become invisible. He or she reverts to cutting ties with family, friends or support systems, sinking into addictions, isolating or withdrawing. Diluted thinking breeds this type of negative thinking and it comes from the feeling of being empty, alone; such as “if I am invisible, no one will see me and I will not be hurt”. This diluted thinking does the reverse and in fact my end up making him or her more unsafe.

The more we are unseen and alone, the more doubt enters the mind. This leads to self-judgment, self-defeating and self-sabotaging thoughts. These thoughts lead to feeling of weakness or a feeling of being “less than”. If others perceive that he or she is weak then there is a good chance they will be hurt again so they think they have to be invisible.

What is the answer?

Invisibility is not the answer to safety. To be honest it is the opposite behavior that keeps him or her safe. Go against the first instinct to run and hide. Become more social and increase your social contacts, being more with family and friends as well as establish a strong support system.

Working these suggestions will generate different thoughts pattern and change your mindset. Then the manifestation of strength will happen. Really it is what is given off to others is what keep him or her safe.

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         Coach Bill

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