Merry Christmas and Holiday Message from Dr. Bill

Merry Christmas 2017 to one and all!!!!

I feel blessed to be alive and the ability to make positive changes in my life. This year has been a year of new beginnings and growth. I turned 67 years old and feel like I did at 19. My family and I survived Hurricane Irma this year. Blessed, blessed and more blessing.

I want to express my gratitude from my heart this Christmas morning for all my Blog Followers, friends and family. Thank you for all the followings and the compassion all of you have shown by believing in my and finding my words as value.

What a fabulous year it has been. Many positive changes along with some losses. I really count my blessings and all of you are included in my blessings and gratitudes.

Please take a minute today to celebrate the moment and count your blessings. Being alive to celebrate this year, 2017.

Also wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

                         Merry Christmas 2017 to one and all!!!!

                                       Coach Bill

3 Tips on Eliminating Perfectionism

We are just mortal humans striving to be in the "perfect zone" and expecting it every day of our lives. Wanting to achieve that legendary achievement level – perfection.

Many attempts every day to achieve the perfect look, the perfect relationship, the perfect home, the perfect connection, the perfect career, the perfect day and lastly the perfect partner. 

Is any of this possible??

I have to admit I too reached and wrestled with that elusive idea perfection in my mind but was never possible in practice. All the media hype I hear every day tell me what my expectations should be and sets me up for extremely unreachable goals. All of this hype sets you and me up for disappointment. Why?  Perfection is not achievable in the moment. Do not set yourself up for failure, correctly is really folklore.

If you become over concerned or obsessive about the unattainable goal of perfectionism, it can form a habit or become a full-blown addiction. 

Perfection Causes Disappointment

Unfortunately, due to all the variables, this concept of perfection is not either possible nor achievable. Even the smallest inability to reach an unrealistic expectation of perfection causes you to begin a habit of "over-expecting". Over-expecting cause to get hurt cause it does not work out as you dreamed so you fall into a deep disappointment that can shatter your confidence, esteem and worth with one incident. 

What happens with attempting to achieve an unreachable concept of perfection is you enter into a state of self-judgment. You analyze your efforts, methods and Indeed yourself. From that you come up with a long mental list of everything you said, felt or did wrong, thinking and labeling yourself a failure toward perfection. This judgmental mindset and unproductive endeavor honestly defeats the self-confidence and disconnects you from what is relevant to yourself, loved ones and your life.

3 Tips on Eliminating Perfectionism

Instead of keeping score of your failures, just do your best: 

1. Shift your Mindset 

Stop thinking about doing, feeling and saying everything perfectly. Adopt a new mindset of doing your "best" in every aspect of your life. Doing your best reduces performance anxiety, stress, and worry.

2. Be Grateful

Write out a list of all you have to be grateful for? Life is much more fulfilling when you focus on the good things in your life than the things you are not good enough.

3. Have Compassion for Yourself.

Another way to reduce perfectionism tendency is to become mindful and understanding of yourself and your journey through life. Gain awareness of what you have gone through by understanding all your trials, tribulations and accomplishments. If you need to be more personally organized make a list of all the situations you have triumphed in your life. 

If you want to be more spontaneous and don't like lists, think of a situation you overcame by doing your best each morning upon first rising and repeating it to yourself all through the day with a smile.

After Thoughts

Stop reaching for what you can't have. No one is perfect or can do everything perfectly correct. Do your best on everything you do with feeling. Truly this positive mindset is not settling. 

If you let go of false expectations of perfectionism and focus on the blessings of being alive, you will discover that you have so much more to be grateful for. Isn't that a reason for living?

             Visit my website and click here to receive free eBook. 

Coach Bill

Announcement: Dr Bill has Gone Mobile

New Website

It has been over 5 years since I first opened my original Trauma Recovery website. Times have changed and so have my services and abilities. I am proud to announce that I have a created a new website to replace the old one. It has been remade to be easier to use and offered new context under Trauma Recovery, Addiction Recovery and Life Coaching. 

Click on this link - drbilltollefson.com to see the changes. 

Mobile

I am real excited because for the first time my site is now available on mobile phones, smartphones and tablets of all types. Mobile has been one thing that I did not have on the previous website. Please check it out on your mobile phone and enjoy the content that is available on my website. 

Type in www.drbilltollefson.com on your mobile browser and slide through all the content when you are on the go.

Tips

You are still able to download my second book Personal Philosophy as my gift on both the PC and mobile site, purchase my first book Separated From the Light and other products, my watch my videos on the drop down menu under the Knowledge Center tab at the top of the Home page, and read through testimonials from clients as well as connect to my blog William Tollefson Values.

I added a new page where you can investigate details on Rapid Reduction Technique©® and its possibilities for eliminating flashbacks on the drop down menu at the top under the Trauma tab at the top of the Home page.

My Mission

      “My #1 goal is to inspire people to make a change. 

Whatever you want to do, let me inspire you to achieve it.”

I truly want to thank everyone for the support and following me for all these years.

                                                

         Coach Bill

More information at website and click here to download free eBook.

30 Quotes to Mend PTSD

Changing your mindset of traumatic and abusive experiences is the first step to healing your past wounds. Regaining your personal power through knowledge and gaining command of your thoughts by shifting your formed traumatic beliefs makes all the difference in your path to recovery.

Here are some quotes which will strengthen your ability to make a positive change and reduce effects of PTSD as well as become more mindful and intuitiveness. If you change your view and your symptoms will lose their power over you.

"Think it, see it, feel it, do it, be it and it will happen."

“The greatest hurdle in recovering from abuse or trauma experiences is the issue of loyalty.”

"Emotional abuse is one of the worse types of abuse because it has produced invisible wounds."

“The power of a PTSD flashback does not come from itself but rather the power you give it.”

"The past is the past. Don't find a way to stay attached to what no longer has any power."

“If you have survived abuse or trauma then you won. Celebrate your triumph!”  

“Abuse and trauma experiences cause an emptiness, a loss of self and addiction is sought to fill the emptiness. The action of reconnecting with self is your path to freedom post-traumatic experiences.”

“Keeping the secret abuse is a barrier to healing”

“Traumatic wounds should remind your triumphs and not the predictor of where you are going.”

"I" should be your main objective in life. Once you feel your true "I", you can then manifest it out into your world.”

“Traumatic scars of your past makes you stronger and the person you are today.”

“A perpetrator uses the emotion of love as a leverage to veil over your eyes, heart, and mind in order to take your away from the truth of reality.”

“Recovery has to be cultivated and nurtured to be the healing vehicle.”

“Your Soul is never damaged from trauma, it just hides in safety until it is time to return home and breathe life into you once more.”

“Focusing on your breathing deeply allows you to touch your Soul in the moment.”

“You have the ability to heal from PTSD wounds if you get out of your own way and invest in self.”

“Your formed beliefs from trauma experiences colors everything in your future. Change those false beliefs and free yourself from those shackles.”

“The most important job you have in healing from PTSD is to stay connected fully to yourself, not manage others or your environment.”

"Don't let your past experience define you, define yourself in the moment."

“There is nothing you can't have or do if you strongly desire it and are ready and willing to believe in you.”

“Whatever you carry inside yourself from trauma is you manifested on the outside.”

”Emotional pain from traumatic wounds will diminish if you don’t feed it”

“Awareness and knowledge is the source of empowerment”

“If only thinking” is distorted thinking which blocks your Soul from post-trauma mending.”

“Trauma and abuse experiences produces a false sense of perfection as a way of being safe.”

 ”You don't have PTSD. PTSD has you” 

 “Triggers become raw if flashbacks are entertained too much.”

“A flashback is a manifestation of a past energy you haven’t yet dealt with.”

“Allowing a traumatic memory to replay again and again is a form of self-terrorism.”

“PTSD symptoms are not a flaw in personal strength but a gift of the Soul to survive.”

“Awakening to your inner wisdom, inner feelings, inner thoughts, inner spirituality, inner support and inner love equals a fulfilled, healthy and propitious you.”

       Coach Bill                                                       

Visit website and click here for free eBook download 

About the Author:  Coach Bill Tollefson is a Certified Master Life, Trauma, and Holistic Addiction Recovery Coach. His passion is to inspire individuals to achieve balance and get what they want out of life.

Coach Bill has authored 2 books entitled: 
Separated From the Light (A Path Back from Psychological Trauma) 
and 
Personal Philosophy

6 Tips on Healing Addiction & Trauma

Humans innately need to be connected to someone or something.

Believe it or not "being connected" is our life blood.We invest increasing amounts effort in forming and maintaining connections with ourselves, someone else or groups. Our connections, who and what we think we belong to, increasingly define our identity, happiness, fulfillment and status.

Without connection in our lives or when we feel disconnected for whatever reason, we experience a deep sense of emptiness, fear, loss and alone. We, as humans, are innately driven toward connecting to, someone else, groups or to community in order to enhance our well being and balance. When our perception is that we are disconnected from ourselves, our family, a group, a community or society emptiness sets in. When the feeling of connected vanishes due to a hurtful situations, painful experience or traumatic event our worth, esteem and feeling of fulfillment evaporates. Without connection our self-confidence dwindles, fears increase, negative thoughts surge and anxiety surfaces which leads us to believe we are unwanted and not good enough. 

Once emptiness emerges, a we feel a strong powerful eruption of a need to seek a replacement for the connection lost. No matter what, no matter how long it takes or what the consequences are we seek it. Even if it is toxic to us. Due to deep feeling of loss, we will attach to a replacement because it gives us a "new sense of connection", good, bad or indifferent. 

The substitute connection to something or someone takes away our thoughts of feeling empty and disconnected. There are others replacements sought such as inappropriate behaviors, false emotions, objects or negative and self-defeating thoughts.

The Result of Emptiness

An initial outgrowth of perceived emptiness is disconnection anxiety. Disconnection anxiety is a term used to describe intense hurtful feelings when a person is unable to connect with a feeling of self, a feeling of being part of a family or a group, being an integral aspect of the community or of value to society. 

This disconnection anxiety becomes increasingly prevalent with addition of more and more personal losses. Also there are issues that arise such as:

+ Tension                                                         + Fears

+ Confusion                                                     + Feeling less than

+ Surfacing of negative beliefs                        + Loss of feelings of worth 

+ Feeling of a loss of freedom                         + Feeling a loss of uniqueness

+ Feelings of discomfort                                  + Feeling disconnected from everyone 

                                                                             and everything

6 Tips on Assessing if You're Prone to Develop an Addiction  

If you suspect you may be experiencing an unhealthy level of anxiety or low self-worth associated with loss of a connection with yourself or others, you might consider the following these tips to determine if you might be prone to form an unhealthy or addictive connection to something or someone else.

1. Importance 

How important has the need to be connected to something become your sense of self-worth? Do you need to fill an emptiness due to a significant loss or trauma? Do you gauge “self-importance” by how much you are connected to someone or something even if the connection is harmful? Is the connection you turned to stopping you from doing other things that are healthy? Maybe your priorities have become skewed. Be sure to check where your self-worth is coming from.  

2. Reward Response

Does being connected to someone or something make you feel better or more in control? Does not being “a part of” make you feel worse? Be aware that you can sense a positive “payoff” even if you are excessively connected to something unhealthily. Do you connect to anything just to feel in control even if you are not? Impulsive connections just to get a "reward rush" that can obscure negative consequences.

3. Frequency

Do you find yourself interacting with unhealthy connections more often and for longer periods of time? If you feel compelled to always say “Just a little more,” carving out more and more space in your life for these unhealthy connections. The major question becomes, are you spending more time forming an unhealthy relationship? What other important, healthy, fulfilling or meaningful connections are you excluding or diminishing? Check to see if you are lying to yourself more than not.

4. Refraining

  

Do you feel anxious, afraid or excessively worried if you cannot participate in your unhealthy connection or even the thought of not doing it? One way to gauge how important your unhealthy connection is or the degree of toxicity it holds is when you consider doing without it. The higher the level of denial, fear, anxiety or pain you anticipate, the stronger the hold unhealthy connection has over you and the more you feel a loss of control. The more you stay in denial the more your unhealthy connection becomes.

5. Distraction 

Has the excessive focus and involvement with your unhealthy connection disrupted your life and relationships, causing interpersonal or personal conflicts over your unhealthy relationships?

6. Reverting 

Do you often say to yourself “I am going to invest less of my time in my unhealthy connection” only to turn around, break your promise, defend it, and spend more time in your unhealthy connection? Then repeat the same thing over and over. When you break your promises, it is an indication that the unhealthy connection you were involved with has become an addiction. Your attempt to fill your emptiness with something has now become a toxic attachment. This toxic attachment can cause real damage to yourself, relationships, and career as well as your physical, emotional and mental health.

2 Additional Tips on How to Change

If you are unable to follow the 6 tips above here are 2 rather simple tips. The first tip is to avoid the possibility of seeking an unhealthy behavior, emotion, object, relationship, substance or thought to fill a feeling of emptiness is by forming a solid connection to yourself first. 

Second is to just reach out. Form a significant connection with someone else, a family member, a group or to someone in your community. If you do it will reduce the possibility of filling that hole with someone or something unhealthy that could turn out to be very toxic in the long run. 

Afterthoughts

Try working on identifying all the connections you lost and rebuffing your past hurts which made you experience anger, emptiness, feel less than or not good enough. Counter those effects of painful situations by recognizing them and then stop using them as a reason not to be involved with yourself and others. 

Ultimately, you have the power and control to determine what connections are good and healthy for you, and which are just not. You have the ability to produce a community of supportive connections that will add joy, connectedness, happiness, and content in the long-term. Being connected to yourself and others is what fills you with value, fulfillment, and health.   

         Coach Bill

                                          

Visit my website for more information on programs that could help you achieve what you want. Click for downloading eBook as a gift.

The Edge – A Great Coffeehouse in Middle America

People who know me well know I love my coffee. I didn’t have my first cup until I was 35 years old. Since then I have developed a pure positive coffee addiction. 

Over the years I searched for a coffee with a pure black taste. A coffee which would give a good deep flavor without an acid uptake. I get acid uptake with favorite commercial brands. The famous and usual corporate coffee shops just did not satisfy me or give me a deep coffee taste. Understand I drink my coffee clean, I mean black, so nothing is obscuring the flavor because I like the pure taste of coffee.

I was always looking for that elusive pure coffee taste. I was acutely aware I like a strong aroma and robust flavor. Then at the age of 42, I had my first taste of Colombian espresso, and from that first taste, I fell in love. 

A “red eye” coffee which is a shot of espresso in a cup of coffee, is a treat but of course too much to fix each morning in your own home. So through my constant searching for many years, I finally developed my own special blend of coffee that fit my taste. The combination I developed gave me a dark, favorable and acid-free taste I had sought after for many years. 

Visiting The Edge of Coffee Heaven

Well, I had another excellent experience. I recently took a trip back to my home state of Illinois where I lived for growing up. I was visiting my brother-in-law’s home in Crete who is also a coffee lover and frequent coffee drinker like me. Every time I would visit him, or he would visit me, I would set him up with my unique blend of coffee which he could not get in his area.

Travel Tip

While there one morning my brother-in-law asked me if I would like to go get some coffee at a unique coffeehouse in his neighborhood. Of course, I said yes. So he drove me to The Edge Coffeehouse and Roasting Company. As we walked up to the coffeehouse, I immediately noticed the patio and front door which was very inviting. First good mark for the coffeehouse. 

Once in the coffeehouse, I found the environment to be comfortable and in many ways very spiritual atmosphere. I felt relaxed right away. The colors and the layout gave me a sense of calmness. The interior was very well done and thought out as well as appealing. I started a conversation with the manager, who was very friendly. I ended up getting a tour and history of the place.

Another uniqueness about the coffeehouse is that all their coffee is roasted, ground and brewed right there. Their coffee unique blended flavors are packaged right there, and ship all over the USA.

The Edge’s coffee is flavorful and has a deep coffee taste. I found the Edge’s red-eye to be extremely satisfying. I have tasted a lot around the country in my travels and the coffee at the Edge Coffeehouse is the best in that area I have found for all the right reasons I have sited. 

What a wonderful experience I had that day as a coffee lover. So if you ever find yourself near or in the town of Crete and if you are a lover of coffee like me then visit and check out the coffee there. 

Here is a link to The Edge’s Yelp Page - http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-edge-crete

       Coach Bill                                                       

9 Tips on Eliminating Ruminating Thoughts

From time to time all of us may be troubled by obsessive thinking that won’t go away or can’t be defused. This type of thinking is often referred to as “ruminating” in this context. Ruminating thoughts can be pervasive and troubling for many of us. We get caught up in ruminating thoughts due to our fast pace and demanding lives. Obsessive or ruminating thoughts can result from anxiety, doubts, and fears, as well as predicting thoughts of what might happen in the future, projecting negative thoughts, stress, and worry over things that haven’t happened and may never happen.

What is a ruminating thought?

Ruminating thinking is defined as focusing on your attention – sometimes compulsively - on distress, and on its possible causes, outcomes and consequences. It rarely focuses on solutions. When you ruminate, you overthink or obsess about situations or life events, such as work or relationships. This type of thinking can result in a mental thought loop which over time can manifest into a thought addiction. The more you attempt to fight them the more intense and embedded the thoughts become. This thinking process can cause you to feel helpless and increase your distress. Many thoughts on which you ruminate are false, distorted, misleading, unsupported predictions and/or unrealistic.

Research has shown that rumination is associated with a variety of negative consequences, including the increase of anxiety, negative beliefs, depressive thoughts, panic attacks, and increased symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as addictions, emotional acting out episodes and eating disorders.

Once caught in ruminating, it is challenging to stop. You can go to great lengths to alter your thinking. Excessive ruminating can be devastating and demoralizing to your ability to function appropriately and even to your life as a whole.

9 Tips On How To Clear Ruminating Thoughts

1. Be in the moment. 
You can accomplish this by grounding yourself. Sit with your feet flat on the floor and sitting with your back straight. Once you’re grounded, focus on your breathing or heartbeat which it will bring you into the moment.

2. Connect
Consciously connect with your thought stream. Recognize and write down all the thoughts that you are ruminating on and which are troubling you.

3. Tune in
Assess and tune into the thoughts you have identified. Determine whether your thoughts are good (appropriate, factual, real, truthful) or harmful (bad, false, diluted, distorted, misleading and/or unrealistic). 

4. Slow it down
Slow down your thought stream by deepening your breathing and slowing your heart rate. Pick out the one most troubling thoughts which are the most false, diluted, distorted, misleading and/or unrealistic which you want to cancel and remove. 

5. Stop your thought stream. 
Visualize the thought you have targeted and highlight it in your mind, so it is brighter than all of the other thoughts. Using your imagination, pull out the thought from its position in your conscious thought stream. 

6. Erase the negative ruminating thought. 
Then clear (remove or cancel) the negative ruminating thought by imagining you are erasing it. Once you have deleted the negative thought and it is complete, you will have an empty space in your thought stream.

7. Replace with anew
Insert a new, inspiring, motivating or positive thought into space in your thought stream where the ruminating negative thought resided. 

8. Practice
Repeat the new thought 4 times out loud with intense feeling. Lastly, give your new thought permission to grow and become strong. Once complete, start up your thought stream again. 

9. Repeat the Process  
Once you have completed clearing the first targeted thought, then move to the next thought you want to stop in your thought stream. At that point, repeat all the steps again steps - 4 through 9.

Afterthoughts

Why let yourself obsess by ruminating about what was and/or what might be when you really only have today, now? The more you practice these tips, the more skillful you will become, and your confidence, competence, and personal power will increase.
        Coach Bill

Visit my website for more and click here for free eBook.

3 Tips for Stopping Resentments

Prejudice and meanest is prevalent throughout our society. These abuse mindsets are commonplace in all races and age groups. Many people are scared and distrustful of others, so they lash out verbally or physically either subtly by bullying, harassment, intimidation, and teasing or overtly by physical harm.

What if you were the brunt due to some of harassment, lashing or outburst of anger? What was the takeaway? Anger, bitterness, hurt and resentment and feelings of being wronged.

If you hold onto past wrongs or bad feelings either against yourself or others, then you are probably are stuck in the past. Even though your remembrance is subconscious and out of your awareness. One of the most damaging feelings you hold onto that will block your growth or fulfillment is resentments. For the most part, you are not even aware of the baggage you carry because the material is not part of your conscious mind. 

Clarity

Let me ask you, have other people taken advantage of you? Have you gone through dangerous and painful situations in your life? Do you feel cheated, betrayed, humiliated or hurt in some way by another? Are you holding onto the wrongs that were done to you by another? Of course, you are. Can’t seem to let them go, no matter what you do? 

It is a standard course from time to time as you grow up to be cheated, betrayed, humiliated, hurt or wronged and wanting some type of repayment, get even or revenge. Doing, holding onto or waiting is called a resentment. 

Resentment is one of the most personally damaging feelings or thoughts you can hold onto and carry throughout your life. Bitterness can actually stunt your maturity, stunt your ability to be happy, cancel success, or be a barrier toward moving forward with your life. 

Definition of Resentment

A resentment is defined as ill will, ill feelings or thoughts that form when you are wronged by self, someone or something and you hold onto deep hurtful and painful emotions, store it subconsciously, real or imagined. These wrongs are formed as a reaction to a harmful life event where you perceive to have wronged in some way by someone or betrayed by yourself. The power of resentment is the emotional charge stays active and is held active, and revenge is required before you can let it go. 

Resentments held onto can cause many intense reactive emotions such as anger, depression, doubt, disappointment, fear, panic, rage and/or regret which remain alive over time in the subconscious mind without personal awareness. Resentments have a powerful influence and direct how you relate to yourself and how you think about others. Most of all resentments manifest themselves in your behavior and emotions. 
A resentment is defined as ill wills, ill feelings, and/or ill thoughts affect the way you perform daily without your knowledge. Ideas such as: “I do not deserve anything because of what was done to me” or “I am nothing because what was done to me.” 
This type of thinking causes the formation of negative beliefs about yourself over time, and eventually, the negative beliefs become a subconscious barrier to your accepting good things, happiness and success. 

A True Story  

I would like to relate to a story of a woman I coached who was consciously blocking herself from moving forward in her life. Her name was Sue. She could not enjoy positive things in her life, was not happy and felt she was not deserving of anything good because of abuse she had experienced growing up. To numb out bad feelings that were forever surfacing she gravitated toward addicting herself to alcohol. She came to understand she was not moving ahead with her life because Sue was holding onto resentments she had accumulated from episodes of abuse and being wronged by others. More enlightening was when she realized that she was also carrying resentments for not being able to stop her abuser or standing up for herself with others who bullied and judged her. Sue perceived it as an inability to control herself, or her overuse of alcohol landed her in a treatment center.

Recovery Story 

To help her move forward, gave her a powerfully customized writing assignment – What are the benefits of holding onto resentments? 

Here is what she wrote.

“I learned very early as a result of my coaching and my addiction recovery from alcohol I was hanging onto resentments. I also learned how much the resentments could lead me to a significant setback with my PTSD symptoms and into a relapse with my alcohol. Yet it was so easy to think I had a disease or I was damaged. What I thought was correct and comfortable. Holding onto my old resentments was my desire to achieve resolution. If I had not taken a hard look at why I continued to hang onto my existing resentments, I knew I would continue to experience barriers to what I wanted out of life. I knew I had come up with a long list of reasons why I continued to hang onto those old resentments. I want the people that hurt me to experience the same level of hurt and I was not going to let go of holding on until then. 

4 reasons she kept holding onto old resentments

First of all, unaware you were harboring any ill will, ill feelings or ill thoughts against others for wrongs they did to me or maybe I did against myself.

The second reason, I thought if I stop holding onto those resentments against someone else they would be getting away with whatever they had done to against me too quickly. I felt I had to keep their feet to the fire to make them pay for the wrongs they did to me. The problem with what I was doing was that I was the only one suffering. The truth was that the person I was holding the resentments against was not affected by my holding on at all, but I still was. I became angry that they supposedly got away with something that was wrong, hurtful and damaging to me.

Reason number three, I felt powerful by holding onto my resentments. Holding resentments is the only time in my life I would feel mighty. It made me feel like I was still in control of the situation and I had all the power. This coincides with a feeling of a false sense of justice. With that false sense of justice, I felt like I was the judge. As the judge I would have the power to make a ruling and hand out a sentence then the person would never be free from what he or she did. In reality, it was me who was never going to be free.

 The third reason I held onto resentments was that I wanted the person to understand all the weight I had carried for all those years since the “wrong.” By not letting go caused me to become vindictive, bitter and angry both at myself and other people. So holding onto the weight of the hurt and negative energy of being wrong would not allow me to be free and happy with myself.

Lastly, holding onto resentments caused me to be angry, bitter, disappointed and sad. I came to know if I genuinely stopped holding on to these wrongs I could forgive myself and the person it would release myself emotionally and spiritually with a real sense of being free for the first time. It is not that I have forgotten what they had done but realized that I can heal myself from the inside out.”
When she processed the assignment, she had an “ah-ha moment” and a total sense of release.

3 Tips on How to Let Go of Resentments

Here is a quick way to relieve yourself of old resentments. 

#1. First, you must allow yourself to search your mind for all the ill will of wrongs done you or you thought were done to you in your life no matter how minor. 

#2. Second, decide whether wrongs were real or imaged. Sometimes you get caught up in the emotion of the situation. When you identify the wrongs done to you, the mistakes lose their power, and you are able to let go of them. Then you can assess the value of why you have been holding onto the wrongs against the feeling of blaming yourself or waiting for the other person to hurt as much as you did or for the idea that you let them happen. 

#3. Third, write down the resentments that you want to release and burn the list and let the smoke rise into the air. While the smoke goes upward visualize your body becoming unburdened and free. The benefit of doing this will generate new empowerment in your core being. This resurgence of personal power will add a lot to your character and increase your confidence as well as quality and substance of your life. Positiveness happens when you invest, let go of negative and nurture you. 

Take Away

I am willing to bet that if you are reading this article, you already have a strong suspicion that you are carrying old resentments. If you said “yes” so much of what was stated above is right for you, so you need to begin to free yourself from all your old resentment baggage that depletes your emotional energy. 

So take ownership of yourself by investing in who you are at this moment. Understand you can't be affected by something that you are not holding onto. Let go, be positive and strive to make a positive change in your life.

For more information visit my website and click here to receive a free eBook.
                    Coach Bill

9 Tips on How to Clear the Mind of Unhealthy Thoughts

From time to time all of us get troubled by unhealthy messages in our mind that don’t seem to go away or can’t be defused. This type of thinking is called ruminating. Ruminating thoughts can be very pervasive and troubling for many of us. We get caught up in ruminating thoughts due to our fast pace and demanding lives. Ruminating thoughts can result from anxiety, doubts, and fears as well as predict thoughts of what might happen in the future, negative thoughts, stress, and worry.

What is a ruminating thought?

Ruminating thinking is defined as the compulsive focusing of your attention on distress, and on its possible causes, outcomes, and consequences, as opposed to its solutions. When you ruminate, you overthink or obsess about situations or life events, such as work or relationships. This type of thinking can result in a mental thought loop which over time can manifest into a thought addiction. More you attempt to fight them the more intense and embedded the thoughts become. This thinking process can cause you to feel helpless and increase your distress. Many thoughts that you ruminate on tend to be are false, distorted, misleading, unsupported predictions and/or unrealistic.

Research has shown that rumination is associated with a variety of negative consequences, including an increase of anxiety, depressive thoughts, panic attacks, and increased symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder as well as addictions, emotional acting out episodes and eating disorders.

Once caught in ruminating it is very difficult to stop and you can go to great lengths to alter your thinking. Excessive ruminating can be very devastating and demoralizing to your ability to function appropriately and your life.

What can be done?

9 tips on how to stop ruminating thoughts

1. Be in the moment. You can accomplish this by grounding yourself. Sit with your feet flat on the floor and sitting with your back straight. Once you’re grounded, focus on your breathing or heartbeat which it will bring you into the moment.

2. Consciously connect with your thought stream.

3. Recognize and write down all the thoughts that you
    are ruminating on and troubling you. 

4. Connect with, assess and tune into the thoughts you have identified. Determine whether your thoughts are good (appropriate, factual, real, truthful) or bad (false, diluted, distorted, misleading and/or unrealistic). 

5. Slow down your thought stream by deepening your breathing and heart rate. Pick out the one most troubling thought that is the most false, diluted, distorted, misleading and/or unrealistic which can be canceled and removed. 

6. Stop your thought stream. Using your imagination, pull out that thought from its position in your conscious thought stream. Visualize the thought you have targeted and highlight it, so it is brighter than all of the other thoughts. Then clear (remove or cancel) by imagining you are erasing that thought. Once the thought is erased there will be an empty space in your thought stream. 

7. Insert a new, inspiring, motivating or positive thought into the empty space in your thought stream where the ruminating thought resided in your thought stream. 

8. Repeat the new thought 4 times out loud with strong feeling.

9. Lastly, give your new thought permission to grow and start up your thought stream once completed. 

Continue to Empower Yourself

Once you have completed clearing the first targeted thought, then move to the next thought you want to stop in your thought stream. At that point repeat all the steps again steps - 4 through 9.

Afterthought

The more you practice these tips the more skillful you will become and your confidence, confidence and personal power will increase.


Visit my website for more and click here for free eBook.

    Coach Bill                                              

27 Quotes to Heal PTSD

Healing from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder requires action, knowledge and a new mindset. It is very important to put into action personal change, new beliefs, fulfillment, growth, happiness, and success. When you feed your mind, it results in a feeling of strength that will fill you up with increased hope, self-acceptance, and self-confidence as well as self-value and self-worth. 

As your mind grows understanding your body will heal. With the new knowledge, you will manifest all that is good and gain positiveness through increased enlightenment, energy, drive, fulfillment, and motivation. 

Feed your mind and enhance your body.

27 quotes to achieve a new mindset to act upon and heal:

”Emotional pain will diminish if you don’t feed it”

“You manifest outside of yourself whatever you carry on the inside”

“Can’t live a positive life with a negative mindset”

“Change is not possible for someone who is content even if it is with pain”

“A comfort zone is not necessarily comfortable, but it feels safe”

“Overreacting to a trigger can create a negative thought loop that will take you to a place in your mind doesn’t want to go to”

“Acceptance is the main ingredient to a successful life”

“A positive effect on how you feel and think is related to a shift in the content of your core beliefs ”

“Your inner voice interjects doubt, worry, blame, diluted beliefs, shame and harsh judgment into your thoughts without your permission”

“Don’t suppress your inner voice, rather change its perspective of you.”

“Trauma, when not addressed, has no awareness of the passage of time. Symptoms can strike at any time”

“Thought addiction is the silent killer of inner peace”

“Awareness and knowledge is the source of empowerment”

“Yesterday is a lesson, today is a moment and tomorrow may never work out the way you predict it to”

“A diluted thought is the silent killer of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-perspective”

“To understand your mind code is to understand who you really are”

“Words can be devastating and destructive”

“Invest more in what you truly believe in about yourself rather than what others say you are”

“An active addiction is traumatic event to your mind and body and treat it as such”

“Believe in yourself fully, take nothing negative from others and just walk away with pride!”

“DID is not a weakness but rather an extremely strong soulful desire to survive”

“The meaning of safety to millions of survivor’s is invisibility”

“Don’t be a slave to your painful past but rather the bishop of your Soul and the architect of your moment”

“Reaction to an emotionally charged event in the moment causes a trigger to erupt. The trigger will then yield a memory and core belief which generates negative thinking.”

“Some memory can be so real, alluring and possible that you get lulled into a false sense of safety”

“Your skin is uniquely designed, labeled couture by God”

“A flashback is the seeping of a wounded Soul.”

“A master teaches, enlightens and empowers from experience. Be your own master”

“Healing is not finding the part you lost, rather the creation of a new you.”
         Coach Bill

                                     

Visit my website for more information, articles and videos. Healing from PTSD is possible. Free eBook

The Difference between Thoughts and Beliefs

Do you think that your thoughts have real power over you and your life? This is a practical idea that many think is the truth. Maybe not? What should you know?

The most vital issue to know about your mind and how you perceive reality is knowing there is a difference between thoughts and beliefs. 

Differences

The difference between a thought and a belief is that you may have thousands of thoughts going through your mind a day. Maybe up to 70,000 thoughts a day. But none of your thoughts have any power or influence on you or your life except those you emotionally connect to by way of your beliefs. A core belief is what makes a thought seem real even though it may not be. 

You can't just choose to make a thought real or not only by deciding to with your very power of the will.

It is most important to know that is not your thinking that creates your circumstances, but the emotion and core belief that is attached to your thoughts that influence the outcome of your situations. Thoughts connected to core beliefs can manifest into actions or feelings, but not all thoughts become actions. It is only the thoughts accompanied by strong opinions and emotions which cause your life to crash.

First of all, a thought is a conscious manifestation of a core belief. Once an action occurs, then it and only then that the result of the thought becomes a subconscious memory. The belief in memory is what governs what you do, say and feel. Thoughts may be conscious to start with, but they become dominant subconscious beliefs that influence your life when triggered by motion. Now suppose I did not say I was penniless but came into the world with an unconscious belief of poverty. So long as that belief was operating in my subconscious mind, I would manifest I was poor. I might not have known the embedded subconscious beliefs were present in my mind, but it would have been working all the time and could be triggered.

Afterthoughts

Your subconscious mind is the seat of core beliefs that form throughout your life from circumstance your experience, and there is a storehouse of them in your subconscious mind. Therefore core beliefs are directly tied to how you think, act and feel daily. Thoughts that are formed into core beliefs from circumstances are energy in motion. The more emotion a core belief possesses, the more it governs who you are, what you do and how you perceive you and the world around. Weak, unreal or false thoughts have little or no emotions connected as well as no beliefs attached to them. 
Healthy thoughts are generated from core beliefs which connected to them. Know your beliefs, and you can command your mind and your body will follow. Health is possible.  

Visit my website for more and click here for free eBook.

 Coach Bill                                         

Powers of Thought: 12 Tips for Stopping Negative Thoughts

Battling PTSD is tough because of all the negative core beliefs the symptoms trigger but particularly the negative thoughts that are generated. Turning off the negative thoughts is almost impossible and even more difficult to forget negative thoughts also exist in your mind. Trying to shift your negative thoughts and focus on positive thoughts is even harder. When you are not able you to do so, you feel so defeated and powerless. Seems as though your negative thoughts are continually consuming all your thinking time and the amount of time increases daily. The more you attempt to stop negative thoughts, the more intense and louder they become. 
It is becoming increasingly important to know how to hack into your mind and how to powerfully change your negative thoughts, but also how to consistency manage them over time. 

Below are tips to help you change and manage your negative thoughts.

7 Management Tips for managing negative thoughts patterns and help your mindfulness and convert to positive thinking:

1. Get out in nature. The sunshine and fresh air can help you to feel better and to change your perspective. Just getting up and moving can help to boost your mood and produce positive thoughts.

2. If you are spiritual or religious, use prayer or talking to your higher power.

3. Use creative art, journaling, exercise, expressive writing, and dance.

4. Listen to music that inspires you.

5. Memorize quotes to defuse thoughts patterns.

6. Eat a healthy and mindfully.

7. Count backward from 100 in increments of 4.

These management ideas will enhance your refocusing skills and help you to master the thoughts that stream in your mind.

Longer Term Management Ideas

Tune into positive thoughts daily.  

Avoid trying to immediately fight off or ignore a negative thought. Instead, form a new positive thought to replace the old one, and focus on believing in the new positive thinking. Be sure to repeat the new thought often.

Be mindful of your general physical and mental health. 

When you are not feeling well physically mentally or spiritually, the amount of negative thinking you have could increase. Therefore, it is crucial to take care of yourself especially during difficult times.

Eat a well-balanced diet filled with fruits, vegetables, protein, and vitamins. 

Limit your drinking alcohol consumption. Don't overuse non-prescribed prescription medication, or engaging in other forms of substance use.

Exercise consistently, at least 3 to 4 times a week. Exercise is a great way to increase positive emotions, increase physical strength and distract yourself from negative thinking. Consider involving yourself in alternative forms of working-out like hiking, rock-climbing, dancing, aerobics, martial arts, and yoga.

Educate, Increase Knowledge and Support 

Read inspiring articles is a great start. Learning the experiences of others with his/her experiences with their negative thoughts and how they change them from bad to good can give you hope that change is possible. Search the Internet with phrases such as "positivity," "positive phrases," “how to forget negative thoughts” etc. There are many positive people out there that wish to help others to evict negative thought patterns. There are support groups on the internet to help you increase your skill with changing negative thought patterns.

Seek Help 

If negative thoughts are causing you to have extreme emotional swings, or to engage in risky or harmful behaviors. Coaching, therapy or other forms of treatment may help. Contact a counselor, psychologist or life coach. There are several treatment techniques specifically help people alter their negative thinking. No one technique helps everyone. Find on that helps you.   

If ruminating on negative thoughts overwhelms you, might explore medication options for a short time. Consult a psychiatrist for additional information or to discuss options.

5 Tips to Help You Think Positive

1. Positive thinking patterns can become contagious. Stop surrounding yourself with negative thinking people. Instead, surround yourself with people who make you happy, are optimistic and think positive.

2. Monitor your thoughts in the moment and analyze the appropriateness of each thought. Be aware that your mind is often only tricking you to believe something negative when that isn't true.

3. Start changing your negative thoughts one at a time. Don’t ever expect that you can change all your negative thinking patterns all at once. Be realistic. It is much easier to change negativity to positivity incrementally. Attempting to change all harmful thoughts to excellent thoughts quickly is impossible. Change takes time.

4. Don't push yourself to think positive. Don't try to be perfect. Even the smallest mistake can throw you into more negative thoughts.

5. Be your own support. Accept that negative thoughts are part of the contrast in life and keep in mind that if you don't know what you don't like; you will also not know what you do like. You can choose your thoughts but don't be discouraged if you fall back now and then. Try instead to muster a smile and find the humor in the fact that your mind can be very stubborn at times. Be nice to yourself.

     Coach Bill                                                      

                                   
Visit my website and click here for download free eBook.

6 Tips on Eliminating Negative Thoughts

Are you inundated with negative beliefs or negative thoughts which cause you to stay in your head and ruminate all the time? Are constantly seeking ways to forget or stop your own negative thoughts that will not stop forming day after day? Are you just existing and feeling pushed down through your life? 

Negative beliefs about yourself seem to surface out of nowhere, causing your inner voice to become judgmental and critical, which in turn changes the content of your thoughts to be negative and finally steals your focus making you ruminating on your negative thoughts. They consumes your day and robs you of your drive and confidence.  This constant looping cycle is not healthy or helpful, but then you knew that already, didn't you? In fact, you know that you negative thoughts hold you back from what you want out of life. 

Trying to fight your negative thoughts off, forget them, ignore them or shut them down is extremely counterproductive. The more you resist a negative thoughts the more, the louder they become in your head. They also gain in energy and power. The more you attempt to stop the concentrating, over focusing or ruminating on them the more you won't be to forget them. Also your anxiety and fear levels will increase because you will feel that you have failed. Muscling your way out of a negative thought is next to impossible. It doesn't work that way. 

You do not have to live that way. There is a way to forget and break the negative thought therefore you will be able to entertain and create more positive thoughts. Here are 6 tips that will help you to begin to forget your negative thoughts.

6 tips on how to forget negative thoughts

1. Identify and List your negative thoughts

Your beliefs supply the content of your thoughts. Thoughts are directly linked to your feelings and behaviors. Thus, your thoughts dictate how you feel, what you expect, which dictates how you behave. All three (thoughts, feelings, and behaviors) influence each other simultaneously, but content of all three are governed by your core beliefs and your mind code. This is the central philosophy of the 30 Day Mind Changing Challenge. 30 Day Mind Changing Challenge is effective in reducing negative thought patterns through altering your mind signature or changing your mind code. Your automatic negative thoughts sometimes develop into patterns of thinking.

It is important to first identify the specific thoughts patterns you have before trying to change anything. Patterns are different from thoughts, in that, thoughts can come and go, but patterns tend to come back frequently. Some examples of negative thoughts that result from core beliefs are: I am so stupid (belief – I am not smart enough), nothing is going right for me (belief – I am not good enough), something bad is going to happen (belief – Everything I do is wrong), or I know I am going to fail (belief –I fail at everything I try).

If you are unsure or have trouble about what some of your beliefs about yourself or negative thought patterns might be, ask your spouse, family members or friends. They can let you know what negative thought patterns that you think are negative or positive, helpful or unhelpful.
These types of thought patterns are called unhelpful thinking habits which are formed from old embedded beliefs about yourself, which you can ruminate on in your mind. 

Types of thought patterns 

There are specific types of thinking errors that are common such as:

Catastrophic thinking is the worst thinking that could happen such as, “Something bad is always going to happen.”

Over-generalizing – “Everything is do goes wrong.”

Mind-reading is thinking you know what others are thinking. For example, “I know everyone doesn't like me.”

Predicting the future is believing you know what will happen such as, “I am going to fail at everything I do.”

2. Recognize where your thoughts came from that caused of your negative thought patterns 

Knowing where your thought patterns come from can help you identify why they keep reappearing. It is possible that situations from the past have resulted in your mind creating unhelpful thinking habits. However, it's also important to understand that you, and you alone and you are in control of the thoughts that pass through your mind.

For each negative thought pattern you have written down, identify a reason for why you might have this thought. For example, there are many reasons you might have a negative thought of, “I’m not good enough,” because you believe it about yourself from your mother used to tell you that I needed to get better grades but I never could. Over time a belief generalizes from “I am not a good enough student “ to “I am not good enough” and will affect every aspect of your life.

Remember to maintain personal responsibility for your thoughts, they are your own. Nobody can make you believe something you do not accept. It’s within your control to shift the original core belief to a positive belief and that will change your thinking.

3. Take responsibility for the way you think

Identify why each thought on your list is negative and the consequences for thinking that way is a natural. For example, if you find that your negative thought of “I’m not good enough” causes you to isolate yourself socially, have no confidence, or harm yourself in some way these are the direct negative consequences of your thinking. Determine the outcome of your negative thinking that have happened in the past when you had practiced your negative thought patterns.

4. Stop using negative language

Avoid using words in your mind such as couldn’t, won't and can't when it comes to how you believe about yourself. Giving permission to entertain negative thoughts will cause them to grow in power and grow within your mind. It will also cause the negative thoughts to increase in how they influence how you react to situations, producing negative results. Consciously make an effort to shift core beliefs with will and can. Accept the fact that you will occasionally fail, but see it as an opportunity to mature, learn and get stronger from your experience so you more clarity for next time.

5. Embrace change 

Not accepting change will prevent you from making a positive change in your mind and will keep you stuck in old patterns of thinking that life is out to get you, when it isn't. Embrace the fact that change is an inevitable part of life.

6. Practice mindfulness to nullify negative thinking

Live in the moment. Certainly stop living in the future, and surely not the past. You could spend all of your time in remorse or deeply regretting situations that you have already experience and are over. Also stop worrying about what may happen, so they miss out on now. Accept that you can't change the past, but that you have a large amount of control over what you do in the present, which will influence your future.

Take Away

If you adhere and practice the above tips then you can regain your personal authority. Know that you do not exist for your mind, you can be the master of your mind. You can guide and master the forming of your own thoughts. Start today and take back command of your mind therefore changing the direction of your mind from negative to positive.   

      Coach Bill                                           

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