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Thursday, May 21, 2015

4 Tips on Stopping Re-traumatizing Yourself



It is common knowledge that if you have a cut on your arm and you continue to pick at the scab on the cut then the cut will not heal. In fact the cut will become infected and each time you pick off the scab again that it will not heal and there is a 100% chance your wound will get re-infected.

Well the same is true about a wound to the Soul that occur from all types, primary and secondary, experiences of abuse, combat, and trauma. If you feed your PTSD symptoms by attempting to deny them, ignore them, medicate them, fight them off, over focus on them or enter into more triggering situations the PTSD symptoms actually intensify. It has been proven that an emotional wound will heal over time if they are not picked at over and over creating an infected emotional scar.

Also if a survivor continually returns to situations that trigger him or her then constant re-triggering will re-traumatized him or her over and over causing an intensification PTSD symptoms. Or re-infection of the wounds site in the Soul. 

Case Example

I began working with a woman who reported that she was in a very on and off verbally abuse relationship for over 6  years which she said she need to break away from and get stronger. She had a history of abuse from childhood and a 20 year long marriage to an alcoholic husband. Her abusive relationship caused her post traumatic stress symptoms to surface. She was experiencing an onslaught of intense negative thoughts, black thinking, confusion and self-defeating ideas as well as behaviors. 

During initial session she stated “I will do anything to get better and stop my constant pain and hurt” In development of her coaching after plan she promised not to contact or respond to any phone calls, texts,  emails from her boyfriend or see him in person. Within three days she emailed me, stating “would you be willing to see him as a client?” “He told me that he wants help.” Days later she wrote “if you could tell me that he has PTSD then I am sure he could be fixed and it is not his fault.” Two days after that she emailed me back and stated “I saw him again and he viciously verbally abused me after a sexual encounter” and she felt worse about herself. “I can't seem to let go of him.”

This is a prime example that her post traumatic stress symptoms had been triggered. She kept re-infecting the wounds to her soul.


4 powerful tips on ways on how not to reinfect your traumatic emotional wounds



1. Holding onto pain is self-abuse and infects old wounds  

Believe it or not it is your past wounds that make you stronger and wiser you, so you need celebrate it rather than ignore and re-infect it.  Don’t hold on to onto old wounds and just think you willing them to heal will do the trick. Replaying old wounds and attempting to figure out over and over how you can heal or fix is helpful. In fact it is a form of re-infecting the wounds and most important it is self-abuse as well as re-traumatizing.  Toxic thoughts create a toxic life.  Make peace with yourself and you're your old wounds.  When you heal your thoughts, feelings and reactions, you heal your soul.  So stop focusing on old wounds and predicting what might happen and things you don't want in your future.  The more you deny or ignore what is happening now, the more you attract what you anxiety and fear into your daily experiences and you become your own self-abuser.

2. Moving on creates positive change

The more you may blame yourself, inject yourself situations into toxic and think, “What am I doing wrong and can’t fix this or why do I keep going back and not learning?” Unfortunately all the common part of those scenarios is YOU.  And this is good news, because it means YOU alone have the power to change heal your situation. There is something very powerful and liberating about surrendering to change, taking a risk and embracing it – this is where personal growth and evolution happens.

3. Change your mindset

Navigating through life is not without challenges and disruptions, but hang onto old situations, toxic relationships or old wounds is not the healthy. Turning a blind eye to the harm someone or something is causing you is not the answer. Sometimes you have to leave what you love or is not healthy for you and move forward. You should always come first in your life. No one goes through life without losing someone they love, or something they need. View life experiences as lessons and know that life lessons actually make you stronger in the long run even though it does not feel that way.
Embrace a new mindset. Be prepared and open to positive and healthy attitude. Be prepared for different challenges, and accepting of new experiences. Go out and do something different or meet someone new. You just might find someone who will treat you with respect, love and change the direction of your life forever.

4. Biggest Tip to Heal

Biggest tip is to stop picking at your wounds

Healing your wounds is totally up to you. Take a risk for your health and make a clean break. It will make you more open and ready to enter into new healthy relationships and accept positive situations. At first you will feel very uncomfortable knowing that you are venturing into unfamiliar territory.

Afterthoughts

You have the power to stop picking at your old wound, change your habits and heal. Everything is possible if you believe it.


Coach Bill              
Find out more at websiteClick here for free eBook download.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

9 Tips on Stopping Diluted Thinking




I wrote a blog on diluted thoughts and how those types of thoughts cause black thinking. So I want to be short and sweet, and present to you 9 tips on how to reduce the effects of diluted thoughts and turn black thinking into positive thinking.

9 Tips on how to turn your thinking around to positive

1. “Filter out what is not useful and accept what is. Improve on your clarity.” 

You are bombarded and inundated with information constantly. People tell you how and who to be as well as what you should or shouldn't do. Don't take everything you read and hear as total truth or literal.  Approach each piece of something with skepticism. Decide what works for you. In life there are countless approaches of doing everything. Really there’s no right or wrong. It all depends on how you view it. Reference information from everyone and incorporate what works for you. Make it your unique to you.

2. “My expectations are mine to fulfill and yours are yours to fulfill.”

It is your personal authority to live a life happiness the way you want.  What brings you happiness is doing what you are passionate about and not doing what you think someone else expect you to do, be or think. To think you can be liked by everyone is a diluted thought and unrealistic. There is a 50% rule in life. No matter what you do or say in life, 50% will be for you and 50% are going to against you no matter how you attempt to change it. Form your own expectations for yourself and live up to them faithfully. 

3. “Don’t be afraid of another person who can do everything, be afraid of the person who masters one specific skill well.”  

Quit trying to do everything at one time. Your brain is not built to multitask but to focus on one thing at a time. So pick one skill that you want to master and then practice, practice and practice some more to build your confidence in order to make a positive impact on your life.

4. “Do not get stuck in one style. Be flexible, adaptable, and own it.”  

Hopefully you have learned that change is an endless. It’s crucial to learn how to discover, embrace and flow with change. Adopt the truth of change. Be accepting to make the best out of every situation you encounter.

5. “Life is not predetermined; craft your own breaks.”

Focus on the situations you encounter and adjust to them your way. Do not toss away your individuation, express it. Stop measuring yourself to others, as there will always be someone who is better than you or not as good as you in something. Existence is more fulfilling, when you love yourself fully and are your authentic self.

6. “Seek out the origin of your identity.” 

It is futile to attempt to control what you do not understand. Don't argue to what you may be blind to. Discover the roots of who you are. It is only when you understand your roots can you nurture them. Knowledge of yourself will move you toward new growth in your desired direction.  Upon enhanced knowledge of your roots, can you at that point really understand what is governing you? This is about becoming aware and reflecting on your true beliefs to make sense of how you act, feel, think and react the way you do.  Growth into what you want to be is choosing your core beliefs and determining what actions you will put into motion to get the fruits that you desire.

7. “Waiting is for something to happen enough; you must create an action plan and do.” Just willing something to happen is not enough; you must do.” 

To get what you desire out of life you have to have an action plan. Without an action plan you are like a boat without a rudder. A boat without a rudder is directionless. Determine your direction, set a course and cast off. Just thinking positively and sending it out to the universe will not give you what you desire. To get what you want has to do with a combination of things. Refining your mindset, active movement, consistent follow through and cultivating resources to get desired results.

8. “If you have fears of limitation about everything you are going to do, how you are going feel, how you look or anything else, these limitations will manifest in you and generalize to every aspects of your life.”

It is in your innate character to desire to grow and expand.  The reason you are present on earth is to fulfill your purpose.  When you put limitations on yourself and place barriers to retard your movement, your maturity stunts and nothing changes. Your existence becomes just that existence. Everything becomes mundane, stale and eventually you exist without purpose or passion. The destiny is yours for the taking. Erase limitations and choose a life of purpose and passion.

9. “Take one definite small step toward your intention one day at a time.”

Make a list of all the intentions you want to accomplish. To reach your goal, you need to take action. Work on the most important intention and once completed move to the next. Make it a practice to do something each day on one intention to get you a step closer to your goal.  Don't wait. Just start. Ask yourself, what is the first thing I need to do? What is the one thing I can do right now? Start small, but start somewhere by doing action.

         Coach Bill
                                      
Visit my website and click here for free eBook download.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

6 Causes of Diluted Thinking and Tips on Stopping


Ever notice as you grew up that your ability to recall accurately something from your past diminished and along with all the clarity of the thoughts from then and circumstances of the event. Why? 

Well your thoughts dilute over time as well as your recollection of those thoughts. Your valuable mental clarity deteriorates and prevents you from reacting appropriately to situations.

Have to ever realized that your old thoughts have such seductive appeal? Why you keep rethinking them and do not seem to let it go of them? Wonder why you keep going back to them when they are a thing of the past? 

Mind and brain researchers studying thought discovered that 84-92% of the thoughts you think today where the same thoughts you thought yesterday. 

Your accumulated emotional hurts, wounds and triggers have a way of making you feel obsessed with recalling your past thoughts in an attempt know what you really thought at the time, what did happen for sure or thinking your latent thoughts are a template of what to do or not do in the future. Unfortunately gaining clear and accurate recall of your latent thoughts from your past is nearly impossible and extremely frustrating. No one else who was with you during those times, recall your thoughts the same as you do now.

But what happens is you become immersed into what is termed black thinking or delusional thinking. Black thinking is the obsessive thinking over latent thoughts from times gone by. In fact black thinking are thoughts that have been diluted or become unrealistic due to time passing and repetitive recall. Simply all thought dilutes over time. 

Thoughts become distorted, unrealistic, out of context or slanted away from the original true form. Funny though that black thinking seems to now fit your perceptual recall needs about certain situations. This type of thinking can get stuck in your mind and make you obsessively think over the thoughts again and again gaining no closure or resolution. Black thinking can be seductive as well as very destructive in the moment.

What is Black Thinking?

Black thinking is constant attention to a looping negative thought or set of looping of negative thoughts. Black thinking puts in a negative dark place in your mind you don't want to be. Black thinking is the result of becoming obsessively focused on old diluted thoughts that rob your of mental clarity. Simply black thinking is surrendering to ruminating in your head.

The content of these dark thoughts you obsess on originate from false beliefs, old dilutes ideas, doubts, and self-judgments that form from your experiences as well as sabotaging and critical thinking. When you become engrossed in right and wrong with yourself over thoughts, true or not, you tend to take it personally and you treat every statement in your head as a personal affront. Taking your own thoughts personally causes you to be very disappointed in yourself. Therefore you mentally get pulled down into deep black waters in your mind.

How Black Thinking Forms

Ruminating on a negative dark thoughts over and over in your mind actually dilutes the thought until it is a figment of its original meaning and yes, even more intense as it was originally. Much like a record player needle which wears down the grooves of a record. The quality and essence of the song is decreased while the sound becoming more irritating. Unfortunately you don’t stop listen. This process is called diluted thinking. In some circles it is referred to as black thinking.

Diluted Thoughts

You may or may not have heard this type of thinking as “delusional thinking”.  Delusional thinking has a pathological connotation and is seen as crazy. So I have termed this type of thinking as diluted thinking. You have faced diluted thinking before many times in your life but may not have known you were practicing it. The definition of a diluted thought is any thought or set of thoughts have been altered mentally over time. Your recollection is altered and false. Diluted thinking causes your mind to view wrongly, unrealistic, cloudy and chaotic toward yourself.

If left unchecked black thinking can become toxic and can pollute your body, mind and soul. Diluted or black thinking also causes you to ignore what is happening to you and your life in the moment and robs you of life's enjoyments.

6 Tips on Delusional, Diluted or Black Thinking

   1. Anger is a dangerous diluted thought in that it is a wish to 
       harm. A process of exaggerating the bad parts of something 
       or somebody (Root of bitter).

   2. Desirous affection is a diluted thought of becoming attached 
       to something or someone which become so strong and 
       evolves into possession. (jealous, lustful, issues of possession)

   3. Inappropriate attention is a diluted thought of paying too 
       much inappropriate attention to something or someone
       therefore depriving yourself of self-love. 

   4. Exaggerated belief is a diluted thought based on negative
       embedded mind codes formed but distorted over time. 

   5. Fear is a diluted thought from over predicting what might 
       happen in the future.
      (worry, false expectation, exaggerated prediction)

   6. Over-expecting is a diluted thought from over expecting
       for yourself, situations or others.

Can it become addicting?

The diluting of a thought or sets of thoughts that can become addicting. You become addicted by ruminating on a thought or sets of thoughts. The more you obsess by allowing the thoughts to loop over and over again in your head, the more the chance you could become addicted to those thoughts .

3 Signs of Thought Addiction resulting from fixating on a diluted thought can:

1.   Intensify other diluted thoughts to be more destructive.

2.   Intensify the aggressiveness of your inner self talk voice 
      (Inner Critic) to become meaner and more self-critical.

3.   Formation of catastrophic thoughts which has no firm basis,
      standard or evidence and lead you into constant chaos and 
      crisis.

Trauma will intensify the reliving experience of painful recollections.

If you are a survivor of abuse, combat or trauma and suffering from hurtful Post-traumatic Stress, your PTS symptoms will intensify any dilution thoughts that form in your mind  and will be intensified by active PTS symptoms as well as take aim at defeating your core of self.

Take Away

If you are attempting to heal from past experiencing and your thinking has become black and you seem to be fighting yourself. Stop swimming against the current. Stop obsessing on attempting to fix your past and start living in the moment. What happened, happened. There is nothing that will change take.


There is hope. But you have to start now. Make a promise to stop holding onto the past ideas and recollections. They have diluted over time. Start focusing on making a positive life experiences today.

Visit my website and click here for an eBook download.  


     Coach Bill                                       

Saturday, May 2, 2015

6 Tips on Making Anxiety Productive




Abraham Lincoln had it. Vincent van Gogh had it. Barbra Streisand has it. Whoopi Goldberg has it. Paula Deen and many more famous people have it. Anxiety is actually the most common emotional problem in the U.S. today. Anxiety affects more than 40 million adults, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America and sometimes progresses into panic disorder. Benzodiazepines, the medication for anxiety, are the most prescribed drugs for anxiety. Benzodiazepines are also the most misused and addicting drugs in America.

Types of anxiety

Social anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety disorder are the two most common types of anxiety disorders. Social anxiety disorder is the persistent fear of one or more situations where they’d be exposed to people they don’t know or possibly be judged by others. Generalized anxiety disorder is having excessive doubt, thoughts, or worry about everyday situations happening where there is no indication of something is about to go wrong. Studies have shown that 99% of all anticipations, doubts, worries as well as projecting into the future thoughts or over anticipating fears of the future from anxiety never come to fruition. 

Different study findings in France have revealed that the brain devotes more processing power to social situations that signal threats — especially in anxious people. In fact anxiety is apparently the “sixth sense” for sensing danger, a threat or signaling when something is not right. 

Anxiety is being constantly nervous and afraid of things you can’t foresee or control. It is creating a mental shortcut to the worst possible scenario and intense overwhelming anticipation with a strong need to control the future. Anxiety feels as though as if you’re living in a thought world of “what ifs”. By definition an anxiety attack is the experiencing a brief episode of intense, excessive overwhelming anticipation, doubt, negative thoughts, or worries.
   
Symptoms of Anxiety

As a result of experiencing anxiety your symptoms can be increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, trembling, sweating, stress, exhaustion and adrenaline rushes. If you think about it these are also some symptoms of experiencing excitement.

Anxiety is not the problem but a blessing

Let’s change how your mindset about anxiety. Anxiety can be both a curse and a blessing.  

Turn Negative Thinking Around

When anxiety is negative, it leads you to project into future situations or upcoming tasks which you are fearful of and are experiencing feelings that you are no good enough to complete them. When you think your future looks bleak, your thinking will turn negative and cause you to decide not to go forward. 

In fact, anxiety causes you to get stuck in thought looping about the future Scenarios and what will happen instead of living in the moment. You end up miserable, feeling overwhelmed, stagnated on reflecting about how situations in your past went wrong in the past, and ignorant of possibilities that is another way. 


Positive Thinking

On the other hand when anxiety is a blessing and recognized as one, you become filled with motivation, desire to put tasks or projects in your life into action and drive to complete. Anxiety can help you to be more focused. Not feeling stuck or trapped and looking forward to things changing for the better. Anxiety helps you look to the future as a time when all of our goals, problems, projects and tasks will be completed and out of the way. When you think that things will get better, things get better. Like when you start a new job, when a goal or project will be completed, or when you are able to pay off a big debt. It is anxiety that gets you to do what you need to do. Not stop you. The higher the level of anxiety you experience the more your inner self is imploring you to make a decision, stop predicting and make a move in what is going on in your moment.

Change your mindset about anxiety, change your life. Change your view of anxiety as a productive tool as well as a blessing which can be then take advantage of for you personally and your life. Anxiety can be a healthy mechanism and make you more drive, motivated and mostly more productive.

Anxiety is a natural pathway for your body to message you

Actually anxiety is a message from your body, mind and spirit that you need “to do something”. Anxiety indicates that you are either stuck, trapped, not performing or procrastinating on life things you need to do or deal with.  Anxiety is telling you that you are in a situation in which you need to make a move, something is going to happen soon in the moment, or something important is coming up which you need to prepare for, not avoid. Anxiety is actually imploring you to not ruminate, doubt, or just worry over something that will probably will never happen in the future. The anxiety message is strongly encouraging you to “do” rather than “not do”. You have the ability, intelligence and strength to make a significant change in how you relate to your anxiety. Maybe it is as simple as mindset shift.

A major part of all this learning is to make your anxiety productive and positive. Listen to your body. Learn to trust in the information you anxiety is attempting to send you. Understand you can’t be whole and productive unless your head and body are connected. Without the connection can’t you can’t mentally receive the message from to your anxiety.

Productive Anxiety can increase and benefit your:

Mindfulness

Fluidity of Thought

Creativity

Open Awareness

Enhanced Emotional Health

Positive Attitudes

Focus

Alertness

Improved Performance

Afterthoughts

Here are tips to help you:
    
  1.  Just stop what you are doing and take two deep breathes.

  2.  Stepping back and distancing yourself from a negative 
       thought, overwhelming issue, difficult task or burdensome
       problem will help you to clear your head of anxiety, doubt 
       and worries.

  3. Take a time-out. Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, 
      get a massage, or learn relaxation and breathing techniques 
      to assist you in learning to be in the moment.

  4.  Get in tune with your body (through exercise) and 
       invest in doing healthy things.

  5.  Remain open to messages when you experience anxiety.  

  6.  Take stock in yourself right now in the moment.                    


             Coach Bill                                                 
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