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Sunday, December 21, 2014

5 Tips for Removing Self-sabotaging Thinking

Answer the following truthfully with yourself. 

Are you at war with your thoughts?

Does your mind support and work for you?

Is my mind sabotaging you at every turn of my life?

Anyone who has ever experienced a wounding situation growing up knows the truth about one thing and seeking the “Why.” Why don't I like or love myself? Why am I my worse enemy? Why do I fail at everything I do? 

Believe it or not, it is your unanswered "why" questions which keep your Soul firmly locked in your past exploring and inspecting every memory you have looking for the answer. Your "why" questions won't go away, and you will not stop holding onto remembrances until you get an answer.

In the back of your mind, you are sure if you only knew “why me, why I hate myself, why that situation, what went wrong, what caused it or who was to blame,” then you would be set free. Unfortunately, over time and distance from the experience or situation and all the connected knowledge becomes diluted. 

Diluted thinking is when the original facts and recollection of a situation thin out or become weak over time. Then of 100% chlorine jug. Dump a third or a half out and fill it full of water. Isn't the chlorine weaker than it was at its original 100% chlorine? Why yes. Same with your recollections. Over time they become weaker in power, influence, content truth and value over time. 

If Only Thinking

Along the way, the “why” questions dilute into “if only" thinking. This specific type of thinking is mainly directed at doubt and remorse with "if only scenarios. The mental scenario like “if only I had done this differently, or if just I had this sooner then I would be _______  (Happier, more liked, more successful...).

Need an Answer


To gain more clarity on this form of "if only" thinking. 

Think if you have ever played out this thinking scenario in your mind?
You might have thought this to yourself:
“if I only was to get X, then I am positive that I would be the happiest person in the world.” 
You work very hard. Through hard work, you accomplish the task, and you get X. What you found out was that nothing changed. 
So you are told, “well you got X, so you should now be the happiest you have ever been?” But yet your answer is “No, I am not." But I have figured out that it really was not X I needed after all. I discovered that I need Y, and if I get Y then I will be complete for sure.” 
So you work extremely hard to achieve Y, and you do. Once you have Y, you discover that it was not Y at all you needed, because for sure you think it is Z that will make all the difference in you, fulfill you and make you ultimately successful. 
You work through that and gain Z, and still, you know even Z is not the answer. 

Once in this cycle of "if only" thinking, it will continue on and on. You will keep seeking an answer by going to A, then B then C, so on and so on. Be healthier you need to break the cycle.

5 tips on how to turn off negative self-sabotaging effects of "if only' thinking and break the cycle":

First: Stop

To eliminate the influence of these thoughts, stop and become attuned to your thinking. As long as you are inattentive, too close and automatically taking for granted the thoughts as truth, then you cannot help but be swallowed up by such attractive and diluted thinking. Thinking “if I only would achieve the X, I will have everything.”

Second: Do not take your thoughts for granted

You can change them once you know what is going on in your thoughts.

Third: Don't be seduced by false promises

Meaning you shouldn't be swayed into a belief or into a course of action that is foolish. 99% of the time it is your thoughts that are not true, and the answer you want will not be there. The best way to separate yourself is to imagine the “if only thinking” as a separate human who will not stop teasing you, enticing you or won’t stop bothering you. This “if only thinking” is so real, enticing and possible that you get lulled into working hard to achieve an end result that will not work. Unfortunately, none of the promises from this form of thinking ever come true.

Fourth: Be Objective

Now view your thoughts as though the thoughts are coming from that other human. Step back from the imaginary person with the “if only” scenario so you can be more objective and less emotionally tied to the thinking. Stepping back allows you to take it less personally and with less emotional attachment. The best way to achieve objectiveness is to imagine the “if only thinking” as another person who will stop at nothing to influence you and won’t shut up, for example, an annoying used car salesman. Imagine that your “if only thinking” has its own body and mind. Pretend this person is talking to you and attempting to convince you “if only you would ... then your life would be perfect.” Once you have this objectiveness set up in your mind, then spend a day talking to this person. Guaranteed you will want to thoroughly separate yourself from this person because nothing that this person says ever comes true.

“If only thinking” has far less impact on your actions, emotions, mindset or future outcomes. If you're willing to be objective and watch all your thoughts, you will successfully shut down the “if only thinking” and gain clarity of what is happening in your thinking.

Fifth: Live in the moment 

Stop counting on something or someone in the future. Your answer to love, your fulfillment, happiness, or success. Once you stop holding onto the past or predicting the future (which is impossible), the faster you can enjoy the present with mindfulness.

Take Away

The sooner you recognize that “if only thinking” will not help you get what you want any faster and that this form of delusional thinking is not really you. The quicker you make this realization, the faster you will become a much happier, fulfilled, peaceful and a more mindful person. Live in the moment and don’t become trapped in your past or unrealistically reaching aimlessly in the future.
                            View the Original Article

          Coach Bill

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