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Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Perfectionism Kills Holiday Spirit



Around this time of the year, mere mortal humans strive to be in the perfect zone during the holidays.  Wanting to achieve the famous holiday legend which seems to hold on year after year – perfection. The perfect present, the perfect partner, the perfect party, the perfect dinner, the perfect day and lastly the perfect reaction.

I have to admit I too reach for that elusive holiday perfection in my mind but not in practice. All the media hype sets extremely unreachable goals which sets you and me up for disappointment when it is not achieved in moment. Do not set yourself up for failure, perfection is really folklore.

Perfection Causes Disappointment

Unfortunately due to all the variables this concept of perfection is not possible or achievable. Even the smallest inability to reach an unrealistic expectation of perfection causes a deep disappointment that can shatter your seasonal blessings. 

What happens with this concept of perfection is you analyze your efforts, methods and yourself. Then instead of a Christmas list you come up with a long mental lists of everything you said or did wrong that was not perfect.  This mindset and endeavor truly defeats the spirit.

After Thoughts

Reach for the spirit instead of keeping score of your failures and imperfections, why don’t you work on a list of all you have to be grateful for? 

If you do, you will discover that you have so much more to be grateful for not only this holiday season but also throughout the coming year.


                                    

                         HAPPY HOLIDAYS to ALL!!

Monday, December 22, 2014

Happy New Year to All






I would like to take a moment and wish all my family, friends 

and blog followers a Happy Holidays with anticipation of a 


positive New Year. 


I would like your 2017 to be a year of blessings, fulfillment ,

growth, happiness, health, inspiration, success and 

positive change. 


Dream big and achieve whatever you desire in the coming

year of 2027!!!! It is possible. Believe in yourself


Happy New Year to All.


          Coach Bill



                                                                                                                   

Sunday, December 21, 2014

5 Tips on Removing Self-sabotaging Thinking


Answer the following truthfully with yourself. 

Are you at war with your thoughts?

Does your mind support and work for you?

Is my mind sabotaging you at every turn of my life?

Anyone who has ever experienced a wounding situation growing up knows the truth about one thing and that was the “Why.” Why don't I like or love myself? Why am I my worse enemy?Why do I fail at everything? 

Believe it or not it is the your unanswered "why" questions which keeps your Soul firmly locked in your past exploring and inspecting every memory you have looking for the answer. Your "why" questions won't go away and you will not stop holding onto remembrances until you get an answer.

In the back of your mind, you are sure if you only knew “why me, why I hate myself, why that situation, what went wrong, what caused it or who was to blame,” then you would be set free. Unfortunately, over time and distance from the experience or situation and all the connected knowledge becomes diluted. 

Diluted thinking is when the original facts and recollection of a situation thin out or become weak over time. Then of 100% chlorine jug. Dump a third or a half out and fill it full of walter. Is not the chlorine weaker than it was as its original self? Why yes. Same with your recollections. Over time they become weaker in power, influence, content truth and value over time. 


If Only Thinking

Along the way, the “why” questions dilute into “if only" thinking. This specific type of thinking is mainly directed at doubt and remorse with "if only scenarios. Mental scenario like “if only I had done this differently, or if only I had this sooner then I would be _______  (Happier, more liked, more successful...).



Need an Answer

Scenario

To gain more clarity on this form of "if only" thinking. 

Think if you have ever play out this thinking scenario in your mind?
You might have thought this to yourself :
“if I only was to get X, then I am positive that I would be the happiest person in the world.” 
You work very hard. Through your hard work you accomplish the task and you get X. What you found out was that nothing changed. 
So you are told, “well you got X, so you should now be the happiest you have ever been?” But yet your answer is “No, I am not". But I have figured out that it really was not X I needed after all. I discovered that I need Y, and if I get Y then I will be complete for sure.” 
So you work extremely hard to achieve Y, and you do. Once you have Y you discover that it was not Y at all you needed, because for sure it is Z that will make all the difference in you, fulfill you and make you ultimately successful. 
You work through that and gain Z, and still you know even Z is not the answer. 

Once in this cycle of "if only" thinking, it will continue on and on. You will keep seeking an answer by going to A, then B then C, so on and so on. Be be healthier you need to break the cycle.


5 tips on how to turn off negative self-sabotaging effects of "if only' thinking and break the cycle":

First: Stop

To eliminate the influence of these thoughts, stop and become attuned to you thoughts. As long as you are inattentive, too close and automatically taking for granted the thoughts as truth, then you cannot help but be swallowed up by such attractive and diluted thinking. Thinking “if I only would achieve the X, I will have everything”.

Second: Do not take your thoughts for granted

You have the ability to change them once you know what is going on in your thoughts.


Third : Don't be seduced by false promises

Meaning don't be swayed into a belief or into a course of action that is foolish. 99% of the time it is your thoughts that are not true, and the answer you want will not be there. The best way to separate yourself is to imagine the “if only thinking” as a separate human who will not stop teasing you, enticing you or won’t stop bothering you. This “if only thinking” is so real, enticing and possible that you get lulled into working hard to achieve an end result that will not work. Unfortunately, none of the promises from this form of thinking ever come true.

Fourth: Be objective

Now view your thoughts as though the thoughts are coming from that other human. Step back from the imaginary person with the “if only” scenario so you can be more objective and less emotionally tied to the thinking. Stepping back allows you to take it less personally and with less emotional attachment. The best way to achieve objectiveness is to imagine the “if only thinking” as another person who will stop at nothing to influence you and won’t shut up, for example an annoying used car salesman. Imagine that your “if only thinking” has its own body and mind. Pretend this person is talking to you and attempting to convince you “if only you would ... then your life would be perfect.” Once you have this objectiveness set up in your mind, then spend a day talking to this person. Guaranteed you will want to completely separate yourself from this person because nothing that this person says ever comes true.

“If only thinking” has far less impact on your actions, emotions, mindset or future outcomes, as well as on the world, than you would like to think. If you're willing to be objective and watch all your thoughts, you will successfully shut down the “if only thinking” and gain clarity of what is happening in your thinking.

Fifth: Live in the moment 

Stop counting on something or someone in the future being the answer to love, your fulfillment, happiness, or success. Once you stop holding onto the past or predicting the future (which is impossible), the faster you can enjoy the present with mindfulness.

Take Away

The sooner you recognize that “if only thinking” will not help you get what you want any faster and that this form of delusional thinking is not really you. The quicker you make this realization the quicker you will become a much happier, fulfilled, peaceful and a more mindful person. Live in the moment and don’t become trapped in your past or unrealistically reaching aimlessly in the future.
                            View the Original Article

          Coach Bill

Visit my website for more information and free eBook

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

11 Signs of Perfectionism




The biggest misconception in a post abusive or traumatic world is that “all good and powerful things come from perfection.” Perfection is not and will never be the answer or truth to being safe or protected. The truth about perfection is that perfection is the killer of mindfulness, happiness, healing and growth. Striving to be perfect or have a perfect life is like trying to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. For millions of survivors of abuse and trauma, that being perfect would have been the salvation all those situations would have never occurred.

Survivors are convinced … beyond a shadow of the doubt … that if they were perfect and had done everything in their life perfectly, then they would never have been abused, beaten, raped, rejected, sexually invaded, or mentally and emotionally tortured.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The issue of perfectionism is huge with a lot of survivors I have observed over decades of working with survivors with Dissociative Disorders and Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. When survivors are initially asked the question … Are you a perfectionist? … 98% of the survivors answered that it was their number one objective.  Perfection to these people equals safety. “If I was perfect, then nothing bad would happen.”

Survivors feel that performing right, correctly or perfectly is the answer to being stronger and keeping safe.

By definition, perfection is completely free from faults or defects. Inherently, survivors strain compulsively and unceasingly toward being perfect and measure their self-worth, self-value, looks and productivity by the same incredible standard. Unfortunately, perfection is an unobtainable goal. Over time, the need for perfection drives their reactions to every aspect of life. Survivors put a large amount of pressure on themselves. They over expect how they should perform in all aspects of life. In the end, this predictably sets him or her up for overwhelming disappointment. Due to the inability to achieve perfection, survivors tend to have an extremely critical and judgmental “inner critic.” When failure is realized, then anger, doubt, impatience, and worry sets in harshly.


In order to begin a successful post trauma healing journey, survivors need to recognize that being perfect and having a perfect life is an unrealistic goal. 

11 Signs of Perfectionism due to Traumatic Experiences

Below are eleven (11) signs that you are possibly a perfectionist due to abusive or traumatic situations. Once recognition is achieved, then the warning signs will lose power and influence.

Do you recognize any of these eleven (11) signs in yourself?

  1.  Always anxious but don’t know why

  2.  Constantly in a state doubtfulness

  3.  Continuously impatient

  4.  Fearful of the results of anything because you might be wrong

  5.  Forever procrastinating

  6.  Frequently stressed over nothing

  7.  Over expecting to the point of disappointment

  8.  Romancing memories of past pain

  9.  Under assessing all accomplishments, abilities, skills, value

 10. Worrying about how you will perform in the future

 11.  Focused on nothing anyone else does is good enough

Don't be a slave to diluted thoughts that if you had only been "perfect" nothing of what happened to you would have, and that being perfect is the answer to being safe and protected. 


Take Away

Safety and protection of self comes from within you. What keeps you safe and protected is your inner power. Your inner power is your inner knowledge manifested outwardly by way of your confidence, creativeness, intelligence, mindfulness, power, resilience, resourcefulness and strength of character. Simply, safety and protection is achieved through the ability to love yourself fully and healing will naturally occur. 

Check out my website and click here download free eBook

          Coach Bill

                                                 

Monday, November 3, 2014

Words are Indicator of Who You Are: 4 Tips




Were you even aware the words you speak have the power to shape your identity? Did you know that your words weave an image of how you view yourself as well as how others view you?

You are the Words You Speak

It is a fact that you are what you speak. Your words have extreme power in the formation of your identity. Words determine how you view ourselves, how you compare yourself to others and the world and how you react or do not react to any given situation.

If you speak positive words you will be perceived as positive. On the other hand when the majority of your words are negative you will be seen as negative. It is your choice.

Personal Mindfulness

You need to be very mindful of the content of your words you speak about yourself. I have learned that “the words that come out of my mouth go directly into my ears and goes in completely unfiltered”. Your brain registers the words, and it says “if that is how you want to be viewed then it will be so”. Your brain will follow through making your words true and cloud the real truth. Understand that the human brain is a non-judgmental and non-emotional organ, and believes what you say about yourself, is your truth. So speaking words like stupid, ugly, no good, not good enough or worthless often, even though not the truth will become part of your “true” identity.

You need to take stock and ownership in the words you utter, because it is those words that will come back to haunt you in the future. Even if you say you were just kidding or if you were attempting not to be conceited the words will come back to you. The words that you use to describe yourself could deform and dilute your identity for years to come. 

What you might not acknowledge that your brain does not feel at all. Your brain just makes what is input into it as real.

4 Tips

Here are some tips to help you out.

1. Monitor and be aware of what comes out of your mouth.

2. Take 2 intuitive breathes before you speak about yourself.

3. Speak only positive self-affirming words about yourself. 

4. Build a foundation for a positive words about you. 
    
Afterthoughts

If you follow the tips they will help you be mindful and help you create a new authentic identity through your words which you want to project not only to yourself but to others.

         Coach Bill

                                             

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

A Story of Life after PTSD




I want to share a message I received from a former client who grew up experiencing severe abuse and trauma. I work with her years ago.

She just recently shared with me her story of bravery, courage, growth and recovery. She has accomplished many life achievements since going through my program. She has conquered her PTSD and Dissociation.

She truly affirms who anyone can heal from abuse and trauma and that there is life after PTSD.

Dear Dr. Bill,

You probably don't remember me, but you have made a lasting impression on my life. I wanted to express my much-overdue gratitude to you and for your program and methods for treating PTSD and dissociation has done for me and for others. I was in your inpatient program in the fall of 2006, and continued in outpatient for a while after that. If it had not been for the tools I learned from you, or the glimmer of hope I began to find in working with you my life would have gone down a very different and dangerous route.

As a result of working with you, I have reunited with and forgiven my abusive brother, and now have an amazing niece and nephew in my life. I have reconnected with my parents after over a decade of being an "orphan" and am working on defining a new healthy relationship with them.

 I have gone back to school and completed my Bachelor's degree in Biopsychology. I worked in a wildlife rehabilitation hospital. I left an unhealthy marriage, allowing both of us to grow in our own directions.

I have finally moved from where I lived when you knew me and have embarked on my new life in the heart of the Appalachian Mountains. I have never felt or been happier. I truly feel at HOME in my tiny mountain community beyond the reach of internet, cell phones, and even running water for the past nine months.

I now feel truly blessed and connected like I never thought possible for me ever, especially when I was in the grips of my PTSD symptoms. And I owe a huge debt of gratitude to you personally for helping me embark on a new and positive path of everything is possible for me. Not only for being the first positive male figure in my life but also for teaching me coping mechanisms for times of crisis, but more so for opening doors in my heart that had been closed off for so long. You led me back to God and myself. I always appreciated the extra assignments you gave me, but there was one that forever changed my life. You asked me and another girl teach a lesson on spirituality to others when I literally could not say the "G" word and was hopelessly entangled the web of human sins I experienced through "religion". Back then I had no need or idea of spiritual purpose. I felt that God had abandoned me during my abuse. You helped me begin to untangle my inner diluted beliefs of spirituality, religion and God.  From that time a seed grew very slowly in my atheist heart and changed my inner and outer life. Fast forward to eight years later, I have found a safe and supportive church family which has helped me grow in so many ways and helped me reconnect to God, myself, and a greater sense of purpose in it all. Now I am grateful for my past, my upbringing, and yes even my abuse, as well as those who were there for me in my darkest times. I have not only grown beyond the pain but because of it. I have become involved in a wonderful ministry, where I have taken my experiences and can offer hope and insight to others in pain.

I finally understand that everything I went through in my childhood and adulthood was NOT for nothing. But I never would have opened my heart to the possibility if you had not cracked the door and I will be forever deeply grateful. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to work on a daily basis surrounded by so much pain, hurt and misery as we all in your program "danced with our symptoms". I can say for certain that I have stopped dancing and have found a true sense of peace in and with myself.

 I have wanted to write to you for a long time to thank you for helping me out of that dark place I was in. I am working the 12 steps and 8 principles of recovery in an in-depth step study in my CR group. I am working on forgiveness and amends, it seemed a perfect time to share my gratitude of you as well. So THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all that you have shared, given and taught me. I truly know that the work you do truly changes lives. You helped give me back me and my life.

Thank you for my life,
Heather B.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Note to My Unrelenting Mind




Is your mind you helper, best friend or is it your tormenter, enemy? Due to my traumatic childhood situations I experienced, I formed some really negative and self-defeating core beliefs. I grew to understand that my mind was not on my side. I also understood that my mind has a greater influence over my actions, behavior, feeling and thoughts than I ever knew. It also determines what I get and don't out of life. In fact it was my subconscious mind that was pulling 90% of the strings of my life due to my PTSD symptoms.

I decided that my mind and I had needed to have a conversation in order to make a change in my in my thinking, myself and my life. So made a commitment to write a note to my mind. I found writing to be extreme help in changing how I viewed myself, thoughts and my life. 

I thought sharing my note to my mind would be very beneficial and possibly healing to others who had gone through what I did growing up and fell into not liking themselves.

Note to My Mind

I know you have not heard from me in very long time. I did my very best to ignore you because of what you were hiding from me. I know you were attempting to protect me from the pain I dissociated from during those awful events. I refused for many years to recognize what had happened to me in the past. In order to accomplish that, I could not give you any credence due to the fear of the feelings I was harboring and the pain I was hiding might resurface which I could not feel at the time. Feeling helpless, I attempted to drown you with alcohol or subdue you with drugs and push you down with food. Nothing I did ever worked. I know that what you were concealing only gets more intense and it is sabotaging my life.

Time has passed, I have grown and I have changed. I know now the barriers have to fall between you and me. I am willing and ready to stop this feud. I no longer want to make you hold on to those haunting memories of situations that wounded me.  In a strange way when all my memories began to surface, they caused me to build bigger and higher walls of anger and resentment towards you. If the truth be told, I also know that your intention was not to hurt me, but help me achieve closure and begin to help me heal my wounds. For a long time I could not accept that so my reaction was to ignore you in order to escape my emotions back then and now.

You have earned my respect by your strength and loyalty to me. I now release us both to be free and supportive to each other. I know now that what you have attempted to show me happened but it is not happening now. Let's move forward to benefit both of us. 


I have become very aware that you were my tormentor and enemy. I no longer want to work against each other. Let’s create a new mindset and work together for a bright future.


Thank you mind.


      

Friday, August 22, 2014

7 Reasons Why Addiction and Trauma Are Related

        TheSoberWorld

                                          Monthly National Magazine










I am real excited and pleased that my article I wrote SEVEN REASONS ADDICTION AND TRAUMA ARE RELATED: A STRONG RELATIONSHIP was published in the August Issue of Sober World Monthly National Magazine.

As a result of all my years as of therapist and coaching work with individuals suffering from all types of addictions (alcohol, substances, thought....) as well as survivors of abuse and trauma, I found out both have more issues in common than difference. There exists a very strong relationship between the two. 98% of all survivors which were treated in my inpatient psychiatric program suffer from at least one addiction or more. 

I discovered that the both addiction and PTSD have to be treated at the same time. If both are not treated in conjunction with each other then the other will cause a relapse in the other or both.

Abuse and trauma survivors form and utilize addictions for 3 reasons.

     1.   To quiet the haunting terrorizing flashbacks

     2.   Eliminate devastating thoughts 

     3.   Numb out painful emotions

     4.   To subdue overwhelming feeling of hurt


 View the Whole Article on page 6 in Sober World August Issue

Sober World Monthly National Magazine whose mission is to educate and inform parents, families, groups and others coping with alcohol and drug addiction of a loved ones.

Sober World Monthly National Magazine is an outreach approach to reach individuals facing these issues and needing support and resources to get the help they need.

Interested in more information in a Holistic Addiction Recovery Program or Post Trauma Program or both then please contact me.


                   At my Website or on your smartphone @ www.DrBillTollefson.com or call me direct @ 239-349-2209


                                          

Friday, July 18, 2014

Accountability is Important in Trauma and Addiction Recovery



There are many differences between two important groups: 

1) post trauma coaching and post addiction recovery; and

2) trauma therapy and addiction treatment. 

The major differences between the former and latter groups  is the issue of accountability

In post trauma coaching and post addiction recovery the client is believed to have the answers to his or her problems in recovering and not in the knowledge of the practitioner. A good post trauma and addiction recovery coach effectiveness is based on the questions asked by the post trauma coach which helps the client focus and come up with his or her answer that is right for them.

Achieve Accountability

To see if you are accountable able or not is through learning and being compassionate toward yourself. 

One way to achieve accountability is through customized writing assignments. The client is responsible for completing the assignments. The client is responsible for following through with writing on the assignments before next appointment. The assignments help reduce the “re-experiencing” in that it allows the client to write without feeling the past event, unlike verbally re-telling the event which occasionally causes the client to connect with the emotions that have been buried.   

As a Post Trauma and Addiction Recovery Coach, I work very hard to fit and customize specific questions for my clients. If my questions are not good  and on point then the client will not come up with his or her right answers and the forward process will stall.
In order to be on the same page as my clients, I sometimes have to give him or her an assignment to define a word which important to the healing. Defining words is important because everyone’s definitions varies in form and meaning. So I feel I need to work off my client’s definition and not my own understanding definition of the word.

Assignment Example 

In the process of writing, clients come up with some of their own most powerful answers, great definitions and acute accurate perceptions. Here is an example of a definition assignment that produced great definition done on a very important word. I think this word affects all survivors in his or her daily lives as well as their recovery from either trauma or addictions or both. That word is accountability.

Question -

Think about this question. 
Are you as a survivor more accountable to your life or to the promises you were forced to make by the perpetrator or addicting substance?

Example


The exact assignment question was:


“What does it mean to be accountable?”

I found this definition to be extremely enlightening. It was written by a client who experienced childhood and adulthood abuse and has a diagnosis of complex PTSD. She also formed severe addictions in order to numb out the intense feelings of suffering, and overwhelming emotions of hurt and shame from her PTSD symptoms. I hope that this description of the word "accountability" will empower you to affix accountability to yourself rather than following the lies of your perpetrator.

The client answered the question totally in her own words, not from a dictionary.

“Accountability to me is living up to a standard moral code that’s ingrained in my subconscious mind from nature not nurture. It is the acknowledgement and assumption of responsibility for my actions and reactions. Accountability is a system of integrity that suppresses impulsive reactions. It means that I am liable for my own destiny and culpable for the wrong decisions. Accountability and responsibility are guidelines for progress as I evolve spiritually, morally and mentally. It is doing what is right no matter how unfamiliar or hard it is to do.”

The client made a disconnection from the lies of her perpetrator. Due to her achievement of her separation from her abuser she began to live in the moment more and achieve a higher level of being happiness. Change happened when she changed her definitions of the words that her perpetrator forced on her to believe in. She also created new beliefs about herself from the new definitions.

Acquiring a new mindset through re-defining old words and embedding new personal beliefs can make post trauma and addiction recovery less mentally painful.

Accountability Moving Forward

Accountability is very important element. When accountability is not operational in the person recovering there is a great chance of self-sabotaging behaviors causes relapses. Healing then progresses when accountability is again affixed as an investment into recovering and there seems to be a more rapid forward movement from that point on. 

Tip

So to assume true self-accountability and enhance your chances of healing your wounds you have to be honest with yourself and cast away false blame.

Takeaway

To make a positive change, an individual needs to embrace the issue of accountability for your actions, directions, emotions, thoughts and reactions. A side effect of affixing accountability to yourself is that when you're in recovery focusing and thinking of accountability will cause you to spend more time in the moment. Therefore spending less time in false shame of what happened and regret of the past or predicting and projecting into the future. 

Post trauma and addiction recovery can be healed if you can stay focused on your life and health in the moment. In order to do this first you need to acquire new skills for living without crisis and chaos or looking backward. Second depending on the severity of the trauma, abuse or addiction you need to seek support to help through the after treatment journey. 

                 Be accountable to yourself and grow day by day.

                    Coach Bill

Visit my website  and download free eBook

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Sitting with Your Own Thoughts?




Would you select electrocution at you own hands or sit alone with your own thoughts?

That was the fundamental human question behind a research study I recently read a research study that was done at the University of Virginia. The researchers wanted to find out if a participant, if asked would the participant rather sit quietly with his or her own thoughts or select to electrocute themselves?


That was the fundamental human question behind a research study I recently read that was done at the University of Virginia. The researchers wanted to find out if a participant, if asked would the participant rather sit quietly with his or her own thoughts or select to electrocute themselves.

The one thing abuse or trauma situations rob a person off is the ability to accept and be with is their own thoughts or in a room in solitude without distraction. As all survivors know especially survivors with DID, being a lone with their thoughts can be very, chaotic, hurtful mean, painful uncomfortable and / or devastating. 

Study 

A recent study finds that “we'd rather electrocute ourselves than be alone with our own thoughts”.

Personal Experiences

OMG, I have been writing for years about changing your life through journaling, mediation (Me Time) or just deep breathing for 5 to 10 minutes with yourself, without being externally distracted or stimulated. I mean spending time, without a book, computer, phone, television, tablet or radio, with yourself. Nothing to stare at or defocus you for a time of 5 to 10 minutes and left alone with you.

I cannot tell you how many of my clients cannot or had difficulty completing this simple task. Even though spending just 5 or 10 minutes a day with themselves has been proven to improve their life and health (mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually) as well as release stresses they were holding onto, they can’t seem to complete even a few minutes. The excuses I hear from my clients are “Oh I forgot”, “I am too busy, but I meant to”, “I tried, but just I couldn't focus”, I couldn't find any time”, or “I get too anxious”.

With those clients that have a history of being bullied, harassed, abused or traumatized when asked if they did their 5 minutes I am told “I didn't like the thoughts that went through my head”, “I could not stop my thoughts long enough to focus just on my breathing as you asked me to do. It felt wrong”, “While I was doing it a negative thought jump into my head and I could not get rid of it once I stopped meditating” and “Truthfully I can’t stand to be with me. I do not think I deserve it”.

The overall underlying messages I get from my clients are basically that being with their own thoughts or being in their own skin is uncomfortable. Above all alone or quiet time should be avoided at all cost. When alone most of them have either a TV running somewhere in the house or music playing to fill their head with distraction.

The fundamental human question is have we lost the ability to be alone with our own thoughts?

                                     View Original Article





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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Contest to Win a FREE 30 Day Challenge!



Do you want more out of your life but feel you are you stuck?     
Can’t seem to reach your goals?   
Tired of going nowhere?
Making a Positive Change 30 Day Challenge is giving you a chance to win a FREE 30 Day Challenge to make the positive changes in your life that you have always wanted. Find out once and for all what is blocking you from getting to the finish line!
There are several ways to win, you can either write a few sentences explaining why you want to make a positive change in your life, you can upload a photo of something positive in your life or upload a two-minute video explaining why you want Challenge yourself and change your life today.
Here’s how it works:
1) Submit your essay, photo or a two-minute video by posting it to www.facebook.com/MakingAPositiveChange. Ask your friends to Like US and like your post on our page. If your post gets the most votes, you will win the Making a Positive Change 30 Day Challenge. ($89.00 value)
2) Upload your photo or video on www.facebook.com/MakingAPositiveChange .
3) Like the Making A Positive Change Facebook page.
4) Share your video/ photo through Facebook and invite your friends to vote.

The video with the most votes will win grand prize and will receive a FREE 30 Day Challenge. ($89.00 value)
Take ownership of your life and start your positive change today by entering the contest today and get all your friends and family to vote for you.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Podcast Update on Quieting the Noise in your Mind

On June 20th of this year I announced the start of my Podcast -  Quieting the Noise in Your Mind

Today I would like to announce that I have not forgotten all my friends who have Apple Products. My podcast Quieting the Noise in your Mind is now in iTunes.

Download the episodes to your iPod, iPad and other Apple devices. Take me along with you and listen anywhere.

Sign into iTunes and type in Dr Bill Tollefson or the title - Quieting the Noise in your Mind and then download the episodes to listen to them.

Go ahead and educate your mind.

There are 8 episodes right now and more to come. All episodes are free.
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Friday, June 20, 2014

Dr. Bill has Launched a New Podcast Channel

I have some good news for all my friends. I have started a Podcast. The title for my Podcast channel is

                                               “Quieting the Noise in Your Mind”.

Now it is possible to listen to current topics that interest you and that will enhance your life.

Quieting the Noise in Your Mind podcast channel is committed to discussing post issues related to abuse, combat and trauma experiences. Quieting the Noise in Your Mind is dedicated to survivors of painful life situations who are attempting to cope, overcome and heal from the symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Dissociative Identity Disorder, Complex PTSD, Dissociative Disorders and associated symptoms. Not only is for the survivor but for family members.

To be honest everyone has gone through post effects from life situations. A few of those effects are unwanted memories, increased inner critic (self-voice) chatter and influx of negative thoughts, beliefs or emotions directed at self. My podcast is intended to help you find some inner peace in your mind. All of the topics I will talk on this podcast about are not only applicable to post trauma issues but very applicable for everyone. I am sure you can have experienced some type of situations where you have been wronged, bullied, teased, hurt, judged, deeply disappointed, verbally criticized or taken advantage of at one time or another in your life

Quieting the Noise in Your Mind podcast episodes are intended to educate you and enlighten you on relevant life topics, like becoming a healthier you and techniques to enhance your life, improving your life skills, how to get a shift your mindset and stop that chatter in your mind that limits you or holds you back from getting what you want out of life.  


Quieting the Noise in Your Mind will help you triumph over the aftereffects of your past and begin creating a more positive history starting now.

Where Do I go to listen to Quieting the Noise in Your Mind Podcast?

Go onto the internet and click on this link http://www.williamtollefsonvalues.blogspot.com/ . When the home page comes up look for the column to the right of first blog and the top box is the podcast player. Scroll down in the podcast box to view all episodes or click on the first episode to launch and listen to the episodes that interest you the most or listen to them all. Enjoy!

I would love for you to get the word out others about this new Podcast.

Quieting the Noise in Your Mind podcast episodes are for you

If you have a topic or topics you want me to talk about please send me an email to Tollefsonenterprises@gmail.com 

Also while you are on my blog click and become a follower of William Tollefson Values Blog and return often for new podcast episode and new blogs.



Saturday, June 14, 2014

5 Tips for Fixing Negative Beliefs


Do you have beliefs particularly about yourself that do not serve you but you won't let go of them? Believe me you are not unusual. Everyone has. I have written a lot on core beliefs and how they govern how you think about yourself, feel about yourself and how they affect your reactions as well as you perform in life situations. If they can do all that just mentioned then they are powerful and a major influencer of you identity and life.

Can you imagine being more governed by your beliefs? It is possible because abuse and trauma experiences magnify your beliefs power and influence. 

Survivors know how after experiencing abuse or trauma his or her inner critic (inner voice in their head) becomes directive, meaner, and even more judgmental than pre-trauma. It is core beliefs that feed content to inner critic. So it is important for survivors to understand core beliefs and their formation. Even after you are able to process the traumatic memory or flashback of abuse or trauma, you are still be left with negative beliefs about yourself as a results of those experiences.

How your brain operates and responds to abusive and traumatic experiences

I want to present a description of how core beliefs or self-messages are formed and how they are intensified as a result of abusive or traumatic experiences. Understand no matter how much you work on healing your past wounds through memory work, you are still left with negative beliefs about yourself. These self-messages and their associated emotions can and do impede your growth, happiness and personal progress.



Your brain is recording your life constantly. The brain records what you see, what you experience, your physical response, your emotional response and what you think during every life situation. A lot situations are minor and discarded. What makes a memory stick, or become unable to process is the feeling it evokes. Therefore it becomes clearly important is that abuse or trauma memory is kept alive and store unprocessed due to its emotional significance.

Formation of a core belief and relationship to memory

Imagine that memory formation is the earth. The earth records all of the aforementioned data by way of different compartments in the brain and are stored in the core of the earth or sub files. The three different sub files are sights, sounds and general emotions. The sub files make up the memory of the situation that is being recorded. Because the event was life threatening the memory goes unprocessed.

While certain compartments are recording the situation, in another compartment of the brain it is forming a belief that is specific to the abusive or traumatic memory which you can imagine as the moon for this example. Depending on the situation and the life threatening emotional impact of the situation the belief forms as a negative one. Associated with that belief an emotion is registered and connected to that specific belief. Now this emotion registered and connected to that specific belief is separate from the general emotion in the traumatic memory. As mentioned the definition of a core belief is a belief you form about you to the exact event, how you handled or did not handle the situation and the associated emotion.

Let continue. So far imagine the earth (memory) with the moon (core belief and associated emotion) sitting behind the earth in dissociative storage area. While you might be able to at some point, either immediately or later, process the flashback or traumatic memory and integrate the traumatic memory into your long-term memory bank (file cabinet).

Therefore the traumatic memory or earth moved out of dissociative storage, integrated and moved to another compartment of the brain, because the moon or core belief from the traumatic situation is separate from the memory you are left with the core belief and connected emotion which is not processed or changed by processing the memory. The core belief remains independent, stored in the subconscious under belief about self for future reference and becomes a huge influence to how you will react in life situations to come. Over time the core belief embeds itself into your subconscious or belief system. Consequently you are left with the belief that you formed about yourself which tend to be self-limiting, self-defeating, defaming and extremely judgmental.


Sample formation of a core belief due to abuse or traumatic experiences

A sample would be that you experience an abusive or traumatic situation where you felt you couldn't stop the event from happening based on your standard or someone else’s standard. Therefore the core belief that was form was “I deserved to get hurt, because I couldn't protect myself” with an emotion connected to that belief is that of anger or disappointment toward yourself. 

By the way “I don’t deserve ____” is the number two core belief that most survivor carry about himself or herself. 

Maybe through therapy or coaching you were able to process the memory. The memory is then render insignificant and stored in your long-term memory bank, but what you're left with is the belief that “I deserved to get hurt, because I can't protect myself” and the associated emotion of anger and disappointment. Later on in your life you experience another event occurs and that situation triggers the core belief “I don’t deserve”. That specific core belief then comes up out of your subconscious and surfaces into your conscious mind. Your immediate thought would be that you don't deserve anything, because the core belief and you feel angry and disappointed toward yourself.

Is there any hope for changing negative core beliefs?


So are you helpless to your negative beliefs which reside in your mind right under the surface your preconscious? No is the answer. These influencers that sit silently in wait to be triggered in order to direct you and your life are in fact can be changed.

5 Tips on how to change negative core beliefs

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to change negative, self-defeating or unwanted beliefs? You have the power to change the content of these negative beliefs or self-defeating messages. 

How? 

"Simply drag the old core beliefs out of your subconscious mind, expose them and once exposed they become vulnerable to change."

1. Recognize your beliefs

First of all you cannot fix what you do not know. So recognition is your first and most important step. On a piece of paper and write all your core beliefs. Be sure to write down all beliefs you have about yourself, others and the world: good and bad, insignificant or significant, large or small.

2. Identify

Is each belief actually your truth? Next step is to identify the fact as to whether each belief is real or false, negative or positive, productive or destructive. Draw a one straight line through the beliefs that are false, negative and destructive. Those marked core beliefs are the ones that are barriers to change.

3. Create anew. 

Third step is creating new list of beliefs that you want to change the old beliefs with. Next to each belief you not longer want to believe in, create and write down a new positive belief you want to replace the old blocking belief with.

4. Practice

If you do not replace the old with new all you are left with is emptiness. Last step is to shift your mind to focus and accept the new belief over old belief. Repeat your new list to yourself 5 times daily consistently. Most important is to say your new belief list first time when you wake up and then the last time before you go to sleep. To make your new beliefs more powerful, say your new one with feeling, in a strong emotional tone.

5. Discipline

Say the list every day for 30 days. If you follow through and practice your list for 30 days the new beliefs will embed themselves into your subconscious and become your truth. Also notice when your new beliefs start to manifest in your life. How will you know that? You will be told by other people in your life or you will feel the difference.

After Thoughts

I hope this blog has helped you to understand better how powerful and influential a core belief can be that was formed during abusive or traumatic situations. Once you recognize the power and the strength negative beliefs have on your actions, thinking, feelings or reactions, the easier it is to take back your own power, personal authority and shift to new core beliefs for your benefit. You can make a positive change to your life and yourself by following the 5 tips above.  

Learn by reading more articles on William Tollefson Values Blog - like: How trauma intensifies your Inner critic 

If you need more help at eliminating negative or unwanted beliefs in your mind then visit my website.  

      Also click here to download free eBook gift 


          Coach Bill